


a picture of what life could be

by farfromthstars



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27805666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfromthstars/pseuds/farfromthstars
Summary: buck wins a trip for two to a romantic wellness retreat. when none of the couples he knows can go, he figures that it's not gonna be weird if he takes his best friend eddie. even if everyone assumes they're a couple. what could go wrong?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 234
Kudos: 573





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> so this november, i figured i would try doing nanowrimo - here's the result! it's not 50k long, but it is almost fully written so i promise regular updates and that i won't abandon this fic. i love a cliché trope and i hope you do too!  
> title is from "hunger" by mali-koa.

He’s pretty sure it’s a scam. Yes, Buck sometimes participates in sweepstakes just for the fun of it and maybe a little bit on the off chance that he’ll win something - but he doesn’t actually ever expect to _actually_ win something. And a whole vacation? That just seems too good to be true.

But Buck calls the organisation who sent him the e-mail about his win, calls the hotel directly, and they all tell him that yes, he did really win a four-night stay for two at a Winery and Spa in Napa Valley, including journey there and back, a number of spa treatments and amenities, and full board. They promise to send him the confirmation and some more information material in paper form within the next week and point out that he won’t have any obligations. All they’ll need from him is the names of the people claiming the prize at the latest a week before the trip, which will take place in late February over Mid-Winter Break. 

Eventually, he accepts that it’s just his luck that the one time he actually wins something, he doesn’t have anyone to take on the trip with him.

~

“Oh Buckaroo, that’s so sweet,” Hen says and hands him the flyer he got in the mail this morning back, “but Karen and I already booked a little family vacation over break. We’re taking the kids out of the city. You sure you don’t want to use it yourself?”

“Nah, I’d have to go on my own, and that’s just sad. You’ve seen how this is marketed towards couples.”

“So there’s no one you wanna have wine tastings and couple’s massages with?” She looks at him through her glasses as if she suspects him of hiding something, but Buck just shrugs. 

“You’d know if there was, Hen,” he says. “Buck 2.0 doesn’t do hookups and I’ve never been good at keeping secrets.”

It’s a bit of an oversimplification because he does keep some things secret from his friends, but usually not the details of his love life. Only the stuff he doesn’t want to burden them with. So sometimes he laughs at things that actually hurt him or when he doesn’t want to get into it, because they don’t need to hear about all of his worries and problems. But he doesn’t keep much from them. 

“That’s true for sure, you can’t keep a secret for shit. And we really need to address this talking about yourself in third person at some point, Buckaroo.” She grins, shaking her head. “Anyway, have you asked Chim yet? Or your sister? Maybe they can take it.”

“Not yet, but they’re next on my list. I was gonna suggest that Chim surprises Maddie with it, maybe as a Valentine’s day gift or something.”

“Evan Buckley,” Hen says, sounding surprised, “you do have a romantic side!”

“Hey, I’m the guy who rented a whole ass hot air balloon for a date, remember?”

Hen sighs. “Right, yeah, if only she’d deserved all the work you put into that relationship.”

“She was going through a hard time,” Buck defends Abby, a little bit out of habit. He’s not nearly as angry at her as most of his friends are. At least not anymore.

Squeezing his shoulder, Hen says, “As long as you know you deserve way better, Buckaroo. Just remember that.”

“Are you guys having a heart to heart without me? I’m hurt,” Chim jokes, appearing behind Hen. “Diaz, Hen and Buck are excluding us!”

“From what?” Eddie’s voice comes from further away and Buck turns to locate his best friend, who’s approaching them now with a curious look on his face.

“We were just talking,” he says. “Besides, Chim, I was gonna offer you something really great and now I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Wait, what was it?”

“Yeah, Buck, now I’m curious too,” Eddie says, stepping in close enough to look over Buck’s shoulder, resting his chin there. “Don’t leave us hanging, dude.”

So Buck hands over the brochure he already showed Hen and explains how he won and what it entails. “Point is, if you want it, it’s yours. And Maddie’s of course.”

“Aw, man, I wish!” Chim groans. “That looks like an awesome trip. I’ll have to talk to Maddie again but we were just talking about the break the other day and she said she can’t take any time off because she’ll be covering for all the parents who did get time off. Maybe if I tell her we could be going on a free holiday instead…”

“It’s only a few days,” Buck says with a shrug. “Ask her and let me know, cause if you can’t go I’ll ask Bobby and Athena.”

Hen pulls a face. “Pretty sure they’re planning a trip with the kids too, ‘Thena mentioned something last week.”

For a week, Buck offers the trip to every couple he knows, but he keeps getting no for an answer.

“I mean, how is that even possible?” he complains to Eddie one night while they’re doing the dishes at Eddie’s house. “What’s so special about this particular weekend that literally everyone is busy?”

“Just bad luck, dude,” Eddie shrugs. “Or maybe that’s what these people count on, no one claiming the prize.”

“Maybe you and Chris should go. I’m sure you can turn this into a family thing instead of the romantic angle.”

“Thanks, but I googled that place, it doesn’t look like the kind of hotel where kids would be welcome. And even if they were, Chris would be bored out of his mind with nothing but a pool for him to actually use, and it wouldn’t be very relaxing for me either. Besides, he’s been begging me to let him go to this art camp with some of his friends over break and I’m considering letting him go cause last time went so well, you know?”

Buck remembers last summer, when Chris went to camp for the first time, all too well. He and Eddie were both sick with worry for most of it, to the point where Hen made them babysit Denny and Nia as a distraction because she even got tired of making fun of them. But Christopher did love it, still talks about it often, and art is his favourite subject at school, together with English. It definitely sounds like something he’d love, Buck thinks. 

“That does sound like way more fun than a boring retreat, kid’s on his way to become a real artist!” Eddie laughs fondly and Buck laughs with him but stops when his brain finally connects all the dots. “Wait. That means you’ll be alone and probably worried sick all the time, so you’ll need a distraction. We should go on the trip!”

“What, you and me?”

“Yeah!”

Eddie fidgets, looking uncomfortable. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, Buck.”

“Why not? How many times have I stayed over at your place? We’ve slept in the same bunk room countless times, I already know how your snores sound. We could drink free wine, use their fancy hotel gym, the pool, get massages after a workout, you won’t have to live off take out or make me cook...what’s not to love?”

“You don’t think it would be weird?”

“Women go on spa trips with their friends all the time, why shouldn’t we do too? There’s nothing inherently romantic about any of this.”

“Hm,” Eddie makes. “You’ve got a point. And it is way too nice of a place to let this go to waste. I can imagine worse things than sipping wine and getting pampered.”

“So you clear things up with Christopher, and if he still wants to go to camp and I haven’t found someone else to go, then we’ll do it.”

At no point in time while Eddie talks to Chris, Chris’ friend’s parents and organises his stay at camp does it occur to Buck that people might find this whole thing weird.

“So I’ve sent them our names and a note on your nut allergy to make sure they know ahead of time, and now we’re basically set,” Buck tells Eddie excitedly a few days later at the dinner table at work.

Hen raises her eyebrows almost comically high across from them, and Chim coughs as he seems to choke on his food for a moment.

“Wait,” he says, looking between them. “Are you two going on Buck’s romantic wellness trip?”

“It doesn’t have to be romantic,” Buck says defensively. “We just didn’t want it to go to waste.”

Even Bobby joins in, though he’s known about this since Buck and Eddie both requested five days off: “It seemed pretty romantic on that flyer you showed me, Buck.” 

“That’s because it’s marketed towards couples! Eddie and I just want to get drunk on free wine and get a few free massages in while we can. Nothing romantic about that, right, Eds?”

“Don’t make it weird, guys,” Eddie says.

“We’re not saying it’s weird!” Hen protests. “Just...romantic. But I say go for it. You can tell us how it went once you get back.”

“Mhm,” Chim’s got a weird smile on his face that Buck can’t quite place. “We’ll be waiting for updates from you.”

“Guys,” Bobby says sternly, shaking his head, and Buck looks between him, Chim and Hen - who are giggling like school girls - in confusion and doesn’t understand what’s going on.

He turns to look at Eddie, who is staring at his plate as if he wants to concentrate on his food, face already turning pink from the effort. He’s so confused.

The alarm going off and the ensuing chaos interrupts Buck’s train of thought, and by the time they get back from the call, he’s already forgotten all about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're only just getting started! 😌


	2. Day One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a head's up: i'm not american, have never been to anywhere on the west coast and literally everything i've written is a result of internet research only - pretty sure some things will be inaccurate! this also isn't beta-read, so all remaining mistakes are mine. if you spot anything, let me know! english isn't my first language, so i'm always happy to learn.  
> this is much longer than the first chapter, and i hope you enjoy it!

They decide to make the trip up to Napa Valley themselves instead of booking a flight as offered, because it seems unnecessary to fly when the drive will only take them around 7 hours anyway. Buck promised to pick Eddie up when they saw each other yesterday to bring Chris to school where his bus for camp left. Judging from Eddie’s face when the bus vanished from view, Buck thinks this trip to Napa is the perfect idea, if only to keep Eddie from worrying and moping 24/7. And if he’s honest, with the way watching the bus disappear around the corner is making him feel, it’s probably not wrong for him either. He’s less worried this time around, but he already misses Christopher’s laugh.

He parks in front of Eddie’s house and hops out of the jeep, skipping to the door. He’s excited for this trip, hasn’t left the city in too long and hasn’t really had a few days off in a while either.

“Eddie! Ready to go?” he calls out after he’s let himself inside.

“It’s too early for you to be this loud,” Eddie’s voice comes from the kitchen in a groan and Buck laughs, making his way over there.

Eddie’s still got a cup of coffee in his hand and looks at Buck with a mournful expression that makes Buck laugh again. 

“Come on, you can sleep in the truck.”

“Why’d you wanna leave this early?” Eddie complains. “This doesn’t feel like much of a holiday to me.”

“Check-in is from 3pm on and we wanna make use of our first day there, don’t we? You can get a spa treatment tonight and forget all about the uncomfortable sleep in my car. Besides, it’s 7am, Eds. I know for a fact that you get up this early even on most of your days off.”

“Maybe, but at least then I have my son’s smiling face to greet me.”

Buck puts on his most angelic smile, hands under his chin to highlight it. “Are you saying this and four days of wellness doesn’t mostly make up for it?”

Eddie scowls, but Buck can see the smile he’s trying to suppress, making the corner of his mouth twitch. It’s enough for now.

He takes the cup of coffee from Eddie’s hand, drinks the last sip, and pats his side consolingly. “Let’s go, sleepyhead.”

It takes them ages to even get out of LA, thanks to the traffic and the sheer size of the sprawling city, and Buck would lie if he said he wasn’t jealous of Eddie, who fell asleep barely 10 minutes after they left his house. Still, after Santa Clarita it’s pretty much smooth sailing and Buck relaxes a little. He stops at a Starbucks drive thru when Eddie begins to stir and has his coffee ready by the time he fully wakes up.

Eddie takes a sip and lets out a happy little moan. “You’re the best.”

Buck smiles, pleased, and keeps driving. It’s sunny outside and relatively cool, somewhere in the 50s, Californian winter weather. Where he’s from, it’s probably 30 degrees max today.

“I’m so glad I moved to California,” he says out loud and Eddie looks at him.

“Me too. That you moved, and that me and Chris did.”

“Yeah, so am I. I was mostly talking about the weather right now, but I guess you’re alright too.”

Eddie punches his shoulder and Buck grins at him, rubbing at the spot. “No, but seriously. I wouldn’t ever wanna go back to a time before I knew you guys.”

Eddie huffs. “Nice save, Buckley. Almost made me wanna keep you from hanging out with Chris there, for a moment.”

“You’d never,” Buck gasps. “My favorite Diaz!”

Time passes quickly while they bicker and talk about everything and nothing, stop for lunch and to stretch their legs, and eventually pass San Francisco.

“Almost there,” Eddie says, leaning forward in his seat.

“So now you’re finally excited too?”

“I was excited the whole time! I was just also tired, like a normal person.”

“Uh-huh,” Buck makes, but he’s secretly delighted that Eddie’s showing some more excitement now. He’s been worried that his best friend hasn’t been looking forward to this trip as much as he has. Since he first brought the idea up, Buck’s had the feeling that Eddie wasn’t as into the idea as he is, though he’s not sure why. Personally, he can’t wait to spend this much time with Eddie, away from everyone else - they haven’t ever gotten to do that for a prolonged amount of time, but Buck knows it’s going to be great. Eddie is probably his favourite person in the world (maybe second to Chris) and he was kind of hoping that’s a mutual thing, that he’s up there somewhere with the people Eddie cares about most. So Eddie’s hesitance stung a little - and the smile on his face now helps.

They leave the interstate just after St. Helena, and roll onto the hotel parking lot shortly after. The building looks modern from this side and not too big, only three stories of white walls and lots of windows, some palm trees framing the sandstone walkway leading to the entrance.

“3pm,” Eddie says with a glance at his watch, “I’m impressed.”

“You should know by now that I do research well. I said we’d be there at 3 so we are.”

“Let’s go check in then. I googled their spa treatments and it says they have a massage perfect for after a long day of travel.”

Buck grins at Eddie as he takes their bags from his car and hands Eddie his. “Ah, so you did some research too? Thought I was gonna have to make all the decisions for us.”

“Shut up. I just wanted to know what I was getting myself into and to make sure you’re not keeping anything from me.”

“Uh, what would I keep from you?”

“What do I know,” Eddie grins, taking the lead towards the entrance. “Maybe you don’t like being covered in volcanic ash so you neglect to tell me about it even though I’d like to give it a try?”

Buck gives him an incredulous look. “You want to...what?”

“See? There you go, you just made my point for me! And it’s a thing, I googled it.”

Buck laughs. “You’re an idiot.”

The hotel lobby is bright and open, with a glass front and small seating areas with cosy and kind of retro looking chairs. There’s a check-in counter on one side, a bar at the other end, and a huge fireplace that isn’t lit. 

Buck follows Eddie to the counter and the receptionist who greets them with a smile. 

“Hi,” Eddie says. “We’d like to check in. Uh, Buckley?”

For a second, Buck’s brain seems to short-circuit before he remembers that yes, the reservation is in his name. Stunned, he tries to figure out why his brain seems stuck on the way Eddie just introduced himself with Buck’s last name and feels light-headed with it. Maybe he hasn’t had enough water today or something.

“Welcome, gentlemen,” the receptionist says after she’s checked their system. “Which one of you is Mr Buckley? I will need to see an ID as per our check-in policy.”

“Oh, sure,” Buck reaches for his wallet and hands her his ID. “Here you go.”

“Why don’t you take a seat while I get everything ready? Couples get a complimentary free welcome drink.”

“Oh, we’re-,” Eddie starts, but Buck interrupts him and grabs his arm.

“Thank you,” he tells the receptionist and pulls Eddie towards a few of the chairs, whispering, “We’re not turning down a free drink on a technicality, dude.”

Eddie laughs but sits down without protesting. “This is already a free holiday, you greedy fucker.”

Buck grins at him cheerfully. “I’ll still take what I can get.”

A young staffer comes up to them carrying a tray with two glasses filled with a light pink liquid. 

“Hi, welcome,” she says. “We serve a Rosé sparkling wine made from Pinot Noir and Chardonnay as our welcome drink, would you each like one?”

“Yes, please,” Buck says, even though none of these words mean anything to him. “That sounds delicious.”

Next to him, Eddie snorts and then tries to turn it into a cough, giving the staffer a smile when she hands him a glass.

“You’re such a liar,” he tells Buck once they’re alone again.

“Whatever,” Buck says cheerily and holds out his glass for Eddie to clink. “Cheers, _darling_.”

Eddie shakes his head despairingly but clinks his glass against Buck’s carefully. “Cheers.”

The sparkling wine _is_ pretty tasty, and Eddie agrees when Buck says so.

“I’m a little disappointed you haven’t researched everything on wine to death before we came here, though. That seems like your kind of thing.”

“I tried,” Buck admits, “but the Wikipedia article used more words that I didn’t know than the other way around and it seemed a little pointless without the actual wine to drink with it, so I stopped. Maybe they’ll give us a crash course or something at that wine tasting.”

“Or maybe they’ll assume we know everything and you’ll have to do more of that fake ‘ooh, that sounds delicious’ thing.”

“And I’ll be great at it, just wait!”

“Gentlemen?” A different staffer with a name tag saying _Michael_ approaches them, “If you’ve finished your drinks, you can follow me and I’ll show you to your room.”

As they walk towards the elevators, Michael tells them which way to go for the breakfast room, the bar and the restaurant, all located on the ground floor. 

“From this level, you can exit to the gardens and terrace if you walk past the restaurant. Our spa area is one floor below us, and guest rooms are on the two top floors,” he explains, pushing the cart with their luggage. “You will find signs at every corner, and if you happen to get lost anyway, just ask and someone will help you find your way.”

They ride the lift up to the second floor and follow Michael to room 209, which he opens with a keycard, holding the door open for them. 

The room is surprisingly big, with a closet, a couch, a fireplace, TV, a kingsize bed and a big glass door on the far end of the room leading outside onto a balcony. To the right of the room door, there’s another door, probably to the bathroom.

“Make yourself at home,” Michael says. “There are complimentary towels in the bathroom and bathrobes and slippers for the spa. If you want to light the fireplace, you can ask for firewood at reception and if you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask. Here’s your keycard, and if you have no further questions - enjoy your stay!”

“Thank you, Michael.” Buck tips him and closes the door after him, leaning against it and looking at Eddie. “Pretty nice, huh?”

“Yeah. Uh, listen Buck, if you want me to take the couch-”

“What? No, that’s way too small for either of us. Come on, Eds, we can share, can’t we?”

Admittedly, Buck hadn’t really considered the logistics of sharing a hotel room until now - bit stupid, maybe - but he doesn’t have a problem sharing a bed with his best friend. It’s so big they can probably sleep at different ends, though it’s not as if either of them has ever shied away from physical touch.

“If you don’t mind?”

“Why would I? Come on, you’re normally not one of those guys afraid to hug their friends, what’s going on?”

Eddie shrugs. “Just making sure you’re comfortable.”

“I will be once I know you won’t be sleeping on a way too small couch! Now let’s go, settle in and let’s find this spa to get you the massage you deserve.”

Eddie calls reception to ask about the availability of massages and how long in advance they have to be booked, so Buck steps out onto the balcony. The view goes out to the garden Michael mentioned before - a park-like area with flower beds and palm trees in between lush green grass, all centered around a small dark blue lake - that ends on the edge of a vineyard. To the right, he sees a small and probably quite old building built from the same sandstone as the pathways in front of the hotel and leading through the garden.

“Guess it is good we’re taking the trip,“ Eddie says from behind him and Buck turns around with a grin.

“Now let’s just hope the wellness, wine and food are as good as the view, and I’ll be a happy man.”

“I booked us a massage each in half an hour, so we’ll find out the first of those things pretty soon. They said not to arrive more than ten minutes before the treatment and to come in robes and slippers. I was too embarrassed to ask what we should wear underneath, but I figure swim trunks can’t be too wrong, right?”

Buck laughs. “Seems like a safe choice to me.”

They take turns getting changed and then head to the lifts to get to the hotel basement.

“So that volcanic ash thing,” Buck starts while they’re waiting for the lift, “You really wanna try that?”

“Sure, why not? It has lots of minerals, apparently, and afterwards you take a bath in mineral rich water from a geyser or something. I figured it was something I’m not gonna get to try in many other places.”

“I just thought...you know, maybe it would bring back memories or whatever.”

Eddie is quiet for a while, until the screen above the door shows _-1_ and it opens with a chime. They step out and Eddie finally speaks again. “I don’t think it’ll be a problem. Yeah, it’s mud, but it’s a controlled environment and they won’t be covering my head or anything. Maybe it’ll even be good, for overcoming trauma or something.”

Buck gives him an impressed look. “So you _have_ been listening to Frank.”

Eddie grimaces. “Maybe a little.”

They’ve made it to the welcome desk and give their names to the attendant, who’s wearing what looks a little bit like scrubs.

“Welcome to Mineral Springs Spa. If you’ll please follow me?” She leads them through a door into a small room with two massage tables, soft light and a tiny fountain in one corner. “Your massage therapists will be here any minute for your couples massage.”

“Uh,” Eddie makes, “sorry, but what exactly is a couples massage?”

“Oh, it just means you will both be treated at the same time and will be able to enjoy the treatment together. I’m sorry, I assumed you wanted this room - would you rather each have a private room?”

“Oh no, that’s fine, thank you,” Eddie says hurriedly and she leaves with a smile.

Buck looks at his embarrassed face. “You could’ve said you wanted a private room, I wouldn’t be offended, promise.”

“No, I swear this is fine! I just genuinely didn’t know what to expect from a couples massage.”

“Okay, good. Just...I won’t make you do anything you’re not comfortable with, you know that, right?”

Eddie squeezes his shoulder with a smile. “Yeah, I know. Thank you.”

Two massage therapists enter the room and explain the procedure to them - simple enough: they lie down, speak up if they want more or less pressure or need anything else, and the whole massage will take 45 minutes.

The treatment is advertised as the perfect massage for after a long day of travel, and it delivers. Within the allotted 45 minutes, his therapist gets rid of the knots in Buck’s shoulders and his lower back, the tenseness in his calves, and even relaxes his hands, which he hadn’t even considered until the therapist gets started on them and Buck lets out a helpless moan.

“You okay?” Eddie asks from where he’s being treated.

“Perfect,” Buck groans. “Didn’t know my hands needed this so much.”

“Most people underestimate the muscles in their hands and in consequence also underestimate the necessity for relaxing them,” his massage therapist explains. “And it seems like you work with your hands quite a lot.”

Eddie’s tone is a bit clipped when he says, “We’re firefighters.”

“Oh,” she says, “That must be hard, worrying about not just yourself but also your partner.”

“Well, our whole team is kind of like family, so it’s not that different actually,” Buck says and is glad he can’t look at Eddie right now. He feels a bit weird about posing as a couple, but thinks it would be even weirder to clear that up now when he’s mostly naked on a massage table. “You just have to make extra sure to get everyone to safety.”

“Which he does by risking his life, by the way,” Eddie chimes in, and Buck can picture the exact look on his face. A little accusatory, a little worried, a little mocking - and below it all, still a little fond.

“You’re one to talk, Spiderman.”

“Whatever it is you’re doing to deal with it,” the massage therapist working on Eddie says, “it seems to be working. You seem like a happy and healthy couple to me.”

To Buck’s surprise, it’s Eddie who speaks first. “Thanks.”

After the massage, they’re told to relax in the room specifically intended for that and are sent through a different door than the one they walked into. This one leads to a bright room full of potted ferns and palm trees, plenty of reclining chairs for either one or two people, and another glass front, which is disorienting for a moment.

“Weren’t we in the basement?” Buck asks.

“Yeah,” Eddie takes a few steps towards the windows. “Looks like the garden is sloping down in this corner of the building to allow natural lighting down here. Oh, and there’s reclining chairs out there as well. And a little pond with a fountain.”

“So if it’s not Californian winter, they probably open all those glass doors?”

“That’s what I figure. Anyway, you wanna stay here or follow the signs to either the steam room, the gym or the pool?”

“Actually,” Buck says, “I was thinking about taking a walk outside before it gets dark. What do you think?”

“I’m thinking that if we head up to our room and get changed right now, we might just make it in time for sunset.”

“I hope I didn’t rush you,” Buck says to Eddie when they’re in the elevator to the lobby, fully dressed again. “I just feel like I haven’t really moved my legs all day, and after that massage I was kind of ready to get my blood pressure back up.”

“No, it’s fine. Can’t hurt to get a few steps in before dinner, and the garden looked nice from our balcony, so why not take a look?”

The garden is nice from up close too, professionally landscaped and green and colourful even in February. The most fascinating thing is what Buck earlier thought was a small lake. As they walk up to it, he first thinks that fog is rising, but the closer they get, the clearer it becomes that it’s not fog.

“Is that steam?” Buck asks incredulously.

“I think so. How warm is this water?”

“Wait, this was on the website too. This is the geyser they get the water at the spa from.”

“This hotel has its own _geyser_?” Eddie clarifies.

“Pretty incredible, huh?” An older couple standing at the edge of the water has turned towards them, and the woman is speaking. “Is this your first time here?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “We just arrived today.”

“You’re gonna love it,” she promises. “We’ve been coming here for years, isn’t that right, Steven? I’m Linda, by the way.”

Introductions are made - Steven and Linda come down from Portland once a year and have been since the early 90s. “Since we were around your age, probably! Left the kids with their grandparents and took a few days to ourselves. Is that what you’re doing?”

“Well, I actually won this trip,” Buck says, trying to figure out how to get away from this topic without having to awkwardly explain to this lovely couple that he and Eddie are not together. 

“Oh, lucky you! Anyway, you two should come to trivia night after dinner. It’s always fun and a great place to get to know other guests.”

If there’s one thing Buck knows about himself, it’s that he has an unbeatable reflex to please elderly people, so the “Sure, we’d love to” is out before he can stop it. They part ways quickly after that and Eddie gives him a look.

“Really, Buck?”

“Maybe it’ll really be fun!” Buck tries defending himself. 

“I genuinely can’t tell if that was your pathological need to be nice to older people or your secret love for trivia.”

“What secret love for trivia?”

“Come on, Buck, I’ve been made to play Trivial Pursuit against you, and you always try to get us to go to trivia nights at bars. You’re not sly.”

“Alright, maybe I do like trivia games. But you also know I’ll be great at it and I’ll let you be on my team!”

Eddie laughs. “Okay, okay, it wasn’t like I had other plans for after dinner. You do realise that means we’ll probably end up pretending to be a couple in front of lots more people? Unless you want to clear that up for Linda, Steven and apparently the entire staff.”

Buck groans. “I’m sorry. They probably assumed we were since what I won was a “romantic weekend getaway”. And then that free drink…”

“I guess it is what it is. Isn’t the first time we’re mistaken for a couple, so I’m okay with rolling with it if you are.”

“I don’t mind,” Buck shrugs. “Judging from how this has been going, it’ll probably get us a few more freebies at least.”

“And we haven’t really lied, have we? By omission, yeah, but we’re just running with what people are assuming.”

“I’d say a few white lies every now and then are okay, Eds. We’re not hurting anyone after all.”

Eddie is staring out at the geyser with a faraway look in his eyes, a frown creasing his forehead.

“What are you worried about? I swear I won’t tell Chris his dad told a lie.”

Eddie turns his head to grin at him and shakes his head. “Nothing, it’s stupid. You hungry yet? We could go back inside for dinner.”

Graciously, Buck lets him change the topic and slings an arm around his shoulders as they turn back towards the hotel. “I’m glad we’re doing this together, by the way. We haven’t spent nearly enough time with just the two of us lately. You know I love Christopher, but isn’t it nice to be alone for once?”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, “I think it’s good to do something for yourself every now and then. At least that’s what some of the moms told me when I told them about our plans for break.”

“You really miss him, huh?”

Eddie smiles ruefully. “That obvious?”

“Let’s give him a call.”

“What? Now?”

“Why not? I know his text earlier wasn’t nearly enough to convince you he’s fine. And dinner will be still there later.”

They sit down on some chairs on the terrace and Eddie starts a FaceTime call to his son.

Christopher answers almost immediately with an excited, “Daddy!”

“Hey, _mijo_ ,” Eddie says softly. “How you doing?”

Chris launches into an excited recount of his day, but interrupts himself to ask, “Is Buck there too?”

Buck leans closer so his face is in the frame too. “Yeah, hi superman! I’m so glad you’re having fun.”

“I’m gonna bring you so many new pictures to put on your fridge, Buck!”

“You better! And if I run out of space on my fridge, I’ll put them up on my wall. Give me all the Christopher Diaz originals.”

“Hey, what about me?” Eddie protests and Chris laughs.

“I’ll bring you some too, daddy. Miss Hernandez said, if we want we can try working with clay tomorrow.”

“Exciting,” Buck grins. “So I’ll save some space for sculptures as well?”

“Yes!” Chris looks so excited Buck suddenly aches with how much he misses the boy. He rests his arm on Eddie’s shoulder so he can stay in the frame all the time and listens to Chris telling them about his day, the other kids, and the camp instructors until he says he has to go because they’re watching a movie.

“Love you, mijo,” Eddie says, waving in the camera. “Be good, stay safe.”

“Love you daddy, love you Buck,” Chris calls and Buck waves too.

“Bye, kid!”

Eddie hangs up with a sigh and Buck backs out of his personal space.

“I get it, by the way. He’s too far away. It’s weird, he laughs and I just wanna give him a hug or something, but he’s not here.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “It’s always hard being away from him. But he’s happy, and it makes me happy that he’s so independent and brave, you know?”

“Well yeah, you raised an incredible kid. He’s the bravest person I know - and that includes you, cut safety lines and everything.”

Eddie laughs. “I know. He's on a whole different level.”

They sit there in silence for a while, then Buck drops his hands onto his thighs with a clap. “Okay, dinnertime?”

“Yeah, I’m starving.”

The restaurant they walk into is cozy - dark wooden floors, cream-coloured chairs, warm lighting - and the maître d' greets them with a friendly smile. “Welcome, gentlemen. Table for two?”

They get a table by the big window, which serves more like a huge mirror now that it’s dark outside, so Buck can watch himself and Eddie sit down. He has to admit that they look comfortable and good together like this, in a place like this, and if he was an outsider he would probably assume they were a couple too. It’s an oddly unsettling thought and he tries to focus on the menu instead.

After they’ve ordered, Linda and Steven from earlier wave at them from across the room and they both wave back politely.

“You know this is all your fault, right?” Eddie asks. “There’s just something about you that makes older ladies immediately want to adopt you.”

“Oh please, when has this ever happened before?”

“My abuela and aunt Pepa are the most prominent examples, for one.”

“Yeah but that’s absolutely a mutual thing! I love your family.”

“I know, and they love you. I’m just saying, they took one look at you and pretty much just welcomed you into the family. It must be something about your eyes. Or your smile.”

Buck flashes said smile at him. “Who could resist this?”

“We’ve been over this, Buck,” Eddie says, trying to sound exasperated, but Buck knows him well enough to be confident it’s an act. “No chance.”

Dinner is delicious and they’ve barely finished their desserts when Linda and Steven come up to their table - the latter looking decidedly like he’s being forced by the former - to ask if they’re still up for trivia night.

“Buck here is a big trivia fan,” Eddie says, placing his hand on Buck’s forearm across the table. Buck almost jumps, then remembers they’re playing a couple. He just didn’t really think they were _playing_ playing. “So we’re in.”

“Awesome! If you want, you can just come with us and we’ll show you the ropes.”

“That’d be great.”

The four of them walk over to the lobby and past the bar, where a partly secluded smaller room is filled with tables and chairs, and even a small stage. It’s well done - part of the bar, but away from the rest of the patrons if they want to stay away from events that clearly take place here.

They find adjacent tables in a corner, and Buck and Eddie take the corner bench seats next to each other while Steven and Linda sit opposite each other on the table next to theirs. Linda explains that everything basically works like any trivia night - every team gets an answer sheet and fills it out as the game master poses the questions, then hands it in for counting after the last question. The winning team usually gets a voucher, most often for the spa or restaurant. Buck and Eddie exchange a glance. Literally the only thing that’s not inclusive for them are drinks at the bar.

Still, Buck offers to get the first round for all four of them and goes to the bar to grab beers for him, Eddie and Steven, and a glass of Zinfandel for Linda. When he gets back, Linda is cooing at something on Eddie’s phone and Buck looks at him in confusion, but Eddie just shrugs helplessly.

“Your son is adorable,” she tells him excitedly, and Buck throws Eddie a startled glance. Yes, people have thought Chris was their son before, and Buck usually takes it in his stride - but never before has Eddie witnessed it, so he’s not sure what to do now. Why did Eddie even bring Chris up?

Eddie gives a miniscule nod, so small it’s barely noticeable even to Buck, who’s looking closely. The look in his eyes is easier to read for Buck: a mix of resignation and amusement. It means they’re really going for it now, and Eddie has accepted it, so he will too. 

The whole silent exchange has only taken them a few seconds, so Linda hasn’t seemed to have noticed the hesitation before he thanks her.

“She saw my lockscreen,” Eddie tells him quietly as Buck slides back into his seat next to him. Which is a picture of Buck and Chris from last summer, so the situation is starting to make sense to Buck. It’s a particularly cute one, from a day at the park, of Buck carrying a laughing Chris on his back.

“We have three,” Linda says, handing Eddie’s phone back to him. “Of course they’re all grown up now.”

“Any grandchildren, then?” Buck asks.

Steven shakes his head. “Not yet, even though they can’t be much younger than you.”

“Well, there’s no right or wrong age to have a kid, I think,” Eddie shrugs and Steven nods.

“Try telling that to a woman who wants nothing more than to be a grandmother.”

They all laugh and the two women just sitting down at the table on Buck and Eddie’s other side look over to them.

“We were just saying that we should find a table in this corner cause you guys look like a fun group,” one of them says. “Hope that’s okay!”

“Of course, of course,” Linda says, and Buck grins at Eddie because he’s clearly not the only one she wants to adopt, even though these two women are probably already in their 40s. Maybe it’s just Linda. “We only just met today too, so you’re welcome to join!”

“Thank you so much,” the other woman says. “I’m Melissa, this is my wife Kelly.”

Everyone introduces themselves and Linda takes over the conversation again.

“We were just talking about children: Steven and I have three, these two have a young son. Do you have kids?”

“Oh, no,” Kelly says. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Totally okay, we can talk about something else,” Eddie hurries to say and Buck thinks he gets why he’s so eager to change the topic. They’re now somehow lying about being a family to two women who are actually in a relationship. It feels weird, like they’re appropriating what these two have in reality. As a bisexual man, he’s got some experience with what they might have experienced, but he’s never been in a serious relationship with a man and as far as he knows, Eddie’s straight. Pretending in front of two lesbians feels more wrong than lying by omission to Linda and Steven, for some reason. But there’s no way out of this anymore.

Kelly and Melissa tell them they’re from Philadelphia but have been meaning to come to wine country for years. “So now we’re here for a whole week, just to drink wine and enjoy ourselves.”

“We only arrived today,” Buck grins, “but I think you’ve come to the right place.”

The game master; who at some point has made his way onto the small stage at the other end of the room; taps his microphone to get conversations around the room to quieten down. Everyone turns to face him curiously and he welcomes them all. Almost all tables are occupied now, Buck estimates there are 25 to 30 people here, most of them in teams of two.

The rules are explained and then Steven offers to get the answer sheets for all of them.

“Just for your information,” Melissa says, “Kelly is competitive as fuck, so we probably can’t be friends anymore until after the game.”

Eddie laughs and slings an arm around Buck’s shoulder. “Oh, Buck’s the same so I guess we’ll see you on the other side.”

Buck nods seriously but then winks at the women, who laugh. 

The game master rings an old fashioned gong and starts the game with the first question: “What is the smallest country in the world?”

Buck groans. “Do we know this, Eds? It’s gotta be something in Europe, right? They have all these tiny little kingdoms or whatever.”

“I don’t know if they’re kingdoms, but maybe. Could be Africa too though, don’t you think? I feel like they’ve got some pretty small countries over there too.”

“Not that small though,” Buck disagrees. “Smallest in the- wait! What’s the one in Italy called, like, that catholic place? Where the pope lives?”

“Oh, Vatican city? Yeah, that’s gotta be pretty small!”

It goes on like that, and they’re doing pretty well - “What was Twitter’s original name?” “Did it ever have a different name?”; “In which body part can you find the femur?” “So there are upsides to having your leg crushed by a firetruck.”; “What is the name of the song that Queen Elsa sings as she builds her ice castle in the movie Frozen?” “Let it go,” Buck whisper-sings, “thanks, Christopher.” 

“Why do they look so confident?” Kelly asks Melissa one table over, then turns to Buck and Eddie directly. “Why do you look so confident?”

Buck shrugs cheerfully. “Lucky choice of questions.”

“And partner,” Eddie adds, “Buck remembers stuff really well.”

He could just as well mean _trivia_ partner, and he’s called Buck his partner at work many times before, but in this situation the word seems to hold more weight, and for a few disorienting moments, Buck feels his heart speed up. Quickly, he shakes it off and focuses on the game again. That’s something he can try to unpack and figure out later.

They struggle more with the question on how many soccer players each team should have on the field at the start of each match since neither of them is at all interested in the sport, and they can only guess how many parts (screws and bolts included) the average car has. 

“Which natural disaster is measured with a Richter scale?” is easier again, thanks to their jobs and personal experience with earthquakes.

“Can you believe we barely knew each other back then? I didn’t even know about Christopher until that day.”

“Who would’ve guessed then we’d end up here,” Eddie says with a smile, probably meaning a wellness retreat, and Melissa, who Buck didn’t think could hear them, coos at them.

“Aw, how did you two meet?”

“At work,” Buck says, unwilling to make up any unnecessary lies. “We’re firefighters.”

They both seem impressed, but Buck is glad that they’re steered away from the topic by the next question.

“Mexico's Día de los Muertos, means what in English?”

Buck can’t help but laugh. “They really picked those questions for us, huh?”

Eddie writes the answer down with a grin. “I know your competitive streak makes you want to win, but you do realise we don’t need a voucher?”

Buck ignores him. 

There are a few questions on specific people that Buck finds impossible to answer (“How am I supposed to know the name eBay founder or which team a random athlete played for before I was even born?”), putting a slight damper on his triumphant mood. Obviously, their lucky streak has ended.

“And now,” the game master announces, “the final question! Who was the lead singer of the iconic ‘80s band, Culture Club?”

Pleased, Buck snatches the answer sheet from Eddie and writes “Boy George” on the line for question 25.

“Okay, what’s the story there?” Eddie asks curiously. “Why did you know that immediately?”

“He’s, like, a gay icon,” Buck shrugs. “I guess I stumbled upon him when I was trying to figure myself out as a teenager. And ‘Karma Chameleon’? That’s just a jam.”

Eddie sounds a bit weird when he says, “Oh, okay,” and Buck frowns at him.

“Hey, don’t judge me! It’s fun.”

“I’m not judging! Whatever floats your boat.”

Melissa collects all of their answer sheets and goes to hand them in, and the six of them push two tables together so they can sit as a group.

“If one of you wins, though,” Kelly jokes, “I’m gonna have to leave. I’m a sore loser.”

“Pretty sure we did a lot worse in the second half than the first,” Eddie reassures her.

And Steven chimes up: “And we just did bad in general. No competition from us, right, Linda?”

The conversation breaks off into different groups then, with Melissa turning to Buck.

“I have to admit,” she tells him, “that we decided to sit back here with you guys because we were so happy to see we weren’t the only gay couple. The website of the hotel said it was LGBTQ friendly, but you never really know until you see for yourself, right?”

“Yeah,” Buck agrees and feels bad again. This isn’t a topic he’s comfortable lying about. “Strength in numbers and all that.”

“Exactly! It’s probably not something I’ll ever grow out of.”

“So do you go to wellness retreats often?”

“We try to go once a year - we both have stressful jobs so it’s nice to get pampered every now and then, you know? But we’re also pretty adventurous, so we like going on more active holidays in between too. Backpacking and that kind of thing.”

“I totally get that. This is our first time in a place like this but judging from day one, I feel like it’s a nice change from the firefighter day-to-day.”

“I can imagine! So where’s your kid while you’re here?”

“He’s at an art camp,” Buck says, and even he can hear the pride seep into his voice. “He’s been begging to go and when we called him earlier, he was so happy and excited to be there. It’s great to see.”

He catches Eddie’s eye and smiles back when he sees him smiling too. It’s one of his what Buck secretly calls “Christopher smiles”, but apparently also a “talking about Christopher” smile, which Buck will have to remember. One of his favourite things about Eddie is how unabashedly and openly he loves his son. Buck didn’t have something like that growing up, and seeing all the work Eddie puts into being the best dad he can be means a lot to him.

Melissa stifles a laugh next to him, and Buck looks away from Eddie. Has he been staring? Something about this place, or the absurd situation, must have thrown him off his game.

“Sorry,” he says, and she laughs.

“No, don’t worry, I think it’s cute. You seem like a very happy family.”

“We are,” Eddie says, and something contracts in Buck’s stomach. This time he knows what it is: being included in the Diaz family in any way always does this to him. When Abuela invites him to Sunday dinner or calls him _mijo_ , when Chris asks him for help instead of Eddie, when Eddie includes him in dinner plans at his house as if it were the most normal thing in the world. And apparently when Eddie explicitly says that he’s family - even when it’s all just pretend. Clearly, his stomach - or his heart, for that matter - hasn’t caught up with that yet.

They all have another drink while they wait for the results to come in, and Buck is starting to really like their little group. Everyone is so nice and they really do get along despite their different backgrounds and age, and even Linda, who seemed a little overbearing at first, is just a genuinely nice person.

None of them win, which is fine - despite both Buck’s and Kelly’s competitiveness. They did pretty well anyway, there just happened to be a team on the other side of the room who did even better. 

“They’re probably professionals,” Kelly says to Buck. “You know, these people who go to every trivia game and watch them on TV and read trivia books and that kind of thing?”

Buck laughs. “Yeah, they must be. There’s no way anyone just _knows_ the average car has 30,000 parts.”

Afterwards, the other couples say goodnight pretty quickly, and Buck and Eddie are the only ones left at their little corner table.

“One more beer?” Eddie asks, and Buck nods.

“I’ll go get them.”

They don’t talk much while they drink, just sit there in comfortable silence. Buck can’t help but notice that their shoulders are pressed together, and that Eddie’s body heat is strangely comforting. Or, well - this isn’t really out of the ordinary for them, if he thinks about it. They’re pretty tactile all the time, and sitting this close isn’t unusual, which is probably the reason it’s so comfortable. Maybe he’s just noticing it more now that they’re pretending to be more than they are.

“What are you thinking about so hard? I can basically hear the wheels turning.”

Something in his gut makes it very clear that he can’t talk to Eddie about this, not yet, so he forces himself to sound casual when he says: “Just trying to remember the different spa treatments and figuring out when to do what.”

Eddie shakes his head with an amused smile. “How about we take it day by day? See what we feel like at breakfast every morning and just take it from there.”

“Yeah, okay. I guess that makes sense. I just don’t wanna miss out on anything!”

“I know, but we still have three whole days ahead of us, so don’t stress too much, Buck. Think I’m about ready to pack it in, though, what about you?”

“Well I didn’t get to sleep through most of the drive here, so…”

“It wasn’t most of the drive, you dick!”

Buck laughs. “Whatever, my point is: let’s go to bed.”

In their room, Buck gets ready in the bathroom first and then settles into the big bed on his side. It’s comfortable and the pillow is so soft, he suddenly finds it very hard to keep his eyes open. He still sees Eddie coming from the bathroom, his shirt only halfway on, and he does catch himself looking at the exposed skin as if he hasn’t seen it a hundred times before in the locker room or the showers at work. Buck thinks that he should really spend some time thinking about that, unpacking some of the half-formed thoughts he’s been having all day, but before he can get started with that, he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the lovely reaction so far, it's made me really happy!!


	3. Day Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this is set in an au where there’s no covid btw, i feel like at least in fiction, we need to escape reality sometimes)

When Buck wakes up, Eddie is still asleep on his own side of the bed, but facing Buck. He looks peaceful, and Buck doesn’t think he’s ever seen him this unguarded. A wave of tenderness for his best friend hits him, and a little bit of sadness too. Eddie still thinks he has to be strong all the time, has to hide his vulnerability from the world - even from Buck a lot of the time. He’s struck by the sudden urge to reach out and trace the lines of Eddie’s face, his sharp jaw and the soft, thin skin right under his eyes. His lips look so full, relaxed like this.

Spooked, Buck squeezes his eyes shut. That’s not a thought he should be having about his best friend. 

He’s had thoughts along those lines before, he’s noticed how Eddie looks, he’s got eyes after all - but that was before he really knew him. Since then, he’s not allowed himself to think that way. Eddie deserves better than a best friend who’s creeping on him.

He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes. It’s probably just his brain messing with him due to the weird intimacy of sharing a hotel room and pretending to be a couple in front of strangers. That would probably be enough to confuse everybody.

With a quiet sigh, he rolls out of bed and taps towards the bathroom. So he’s a little confused - that’s okay, he can get over it. 

After he’s showered, brushed his teeth and gotten dressed, Eddie is sitting up in the bed and smiling at his phone.

“Morning, sunshine,” Buck says teasingly. “What’re you smiling at?”

“Just Chris. He sent a good morning text and said to tell you good morning too, and that you should enjoy someone else making breakfast for you but make sure not to forget how to make the pancakes he likes.”

“I love that kid,” Buck sighs wistfully. “Tell him I could never and I’ll make his pancakes until he grows tired of them.”

“As if he ever would.”

Buck grins. “Well then I guess you’re stuck with me, Diaz.”

“Could be worse, to be honest,” Eddie says, which doesn’t much help Buck’s confusion, even if he’s clearly just talking about free homemade pancakes.

“Speaking of pancakes, I’m getting hungry so get your ass in the shower so we can head downstairs for breakfast.”

“Okay, okay.” Eddie groans exaggeratedly as he gets out of bed and Buck laughs at him, opening the door to their balcony. It’s a cool but sunny day and he steps outside, crossing his arms and pulling the sleeves of his sweater over his hands to keep warm. 

He looks out towards the vineyard again and wonders if maybe they should go for a hike - or probably more like a long walk - today. They could do that, then warm up in the hot tub afterwards. He’ll have to look at the itinerary again, but he thinks they have a wine tasting scheduled tonight. Which should be interesting considering both him and Eddie know close to nothing about wine.

He tells Eddie as much on their way down to breakfast, and Eddie confirms that the wine tasting is happening tonight and agrees that they’ll just have to fake their way through it.

“At least there’ll be other people there, so hopefully we can just stay in the background and drink wine.”

Breakfast is in the same restaurant as dinner was, only there’s a buffet spread instead and they get to pick their table themselves. Buck loves a good breakfast buffet, and this definitely is one - they’ve got so many choices he thinks he might have to try different foods every morning because there’s no way he can try everything today.

Eddie too seems very happy with his breakfast. He eats quietly but with such an air of contentment it makes Buck smile.

“I think this retreat is doing you good, I’ve never seen you this happy over breakfast. I’m putting it down to the comfortable bed and the massage yesterday and not my breakfast skills.”

Eddie shrugs cheerfully. “You’ve just never seen me on vacation before. I genuinely don’t think I’ve even been on a vacation since before my first deployment.”

“Oh, wow,” Buck says, surprised. “If I’d known that, I would’ve offered this trip to you right away.”

“I probably would’ve said no anyway or told you to ask the others first. I think it all went how it was supposed to.”

“Eddie Diaz talking about fate? Is this a dream after all?”

“Oh, shut up. I just meant that I only said yes because you’d already asked everyone else. I would’ve felt bad otherwise.”

“I know you would. You’re just too good of a person,” Buck teases.

“And you’re a brat. Don’t know why I agreed to fake-date you.”

Buck gives him his patented angelic smile again. “Thought we cleared that up. It’s the face.”

Eddie just stares at him speechlessly for a moment, then shakes his head. “Whatever lets you sleep at night.”

After they’ve finished eating, they get up to head back to their room. Linda and Steven, who are at a table near the door, stop them for a quick chat and to introduce them to the other couple at their table. Patricia and John are around the same age as Linda and Steven and have apparently come here for years as well, which is how they all met.

“We were so sad to miss trivia night yesterday,” Patricia tells them, “but we arrived so late we just couldn’t make it.”

“Oh, I’m sure there’ll be other highlights,” Buck says consolingly. 

“Yes! You two should join the cooking class tomorrow. We’re all going, and it’s so much fun every year!”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Eddie starts, and Buck winks at the two couples, trying to hide how curious he is.

“Eddie’s a terrible cook, I’m not sure that one’s for us.”

“He might learn something then! And even if he doesn’t, even John likes going although he can’t even boil an egg.”

John nods and Buck wonders why he looks so proud to admit he’s that incompetent in the kitchen. Is it weird that he finds the incompetence endearing in Eddie but a little annoying from this 60-year-old man? Maybe it’s just that with Eddie, he knows it’s not for lack of trying. 

“We’re all going to sign up after breakfast, we’ll just write you down as well, okay?” Steven offers and Eddie heaves a sigh so big next to Buck he can’t help but laugh.

“When is it? Tomorrow, you said?”

“Yes, meet-up is at 2pm at reception, we’ll be cooking our own dinners with instructions from a professional chef. It’s a four hour course and I promise you it’s going to be fun.”

Eddie sighs again, then leans his shoulder against Buck’s heavily. “Okay then. If you want to do it, Buck, I’m in too.”

Buck grins. “You can sign us up, guys. Thank you!”

When they walk away not much later, Buck hooks his arm through Eddie’s. “You’re the best fake boyfriend ever! Was I that obvious?”

“I don’t know about the others, but I could tell you were practically vibrating with how much you wanted to go. Hoping you’ll learn something to show Bobby, huh?”

Buck shrugs with a grin. “It’ll be nice to add something to my catalogue that he didn’t teach me. And we haven’t really moved on to dinner yet.”

“Yeah, yeah. So you can cook it for him and impress your dad.”

Buck shoves at his shoulder and lets go of his arm. “You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?”

“And let everyone forget you accidentally and unironically called our captain ‘dad’? No way.”

“It was too close to  _ Pops _ , which was fine as a joke apparently!”

“Don’t get me wrong, he  _ is _ your dad in all ways that matter, but it was still funny to see both of your reactions.”

That stops Buck in his tracks. “You think so?”

Eddie stops too, turning to look at him. “What? That he’s your dad?”

“...yeah.”

Eddie’s face goes soft again. “Yeah, I do. I didn’t know that  _ you _ didn’t know. I think he’s a little bit of a dad to all of us, but you most of all.”

“I mean.” Buck swallows, looking at his feet. “I guess it’s how I think of him, you know, a father figure? I’m just not sure he does too.”

“Oh no, he definitely does. He worries about you more than anyone else.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that’s the annoying part.”

Eddie laughs and squeezes his shoulder. “You love it.”

And Buck does.

It’s around 50 degrees and sunny outside when they leave the hotel to go on their little hike. Jacket weather, yes, but Buck happily tilts his face towards the sun as soon as they’re in the garden. The Pennsylvanian somewhere deep inside him still hasn’t gotten used to this kind of weather in what he still considers the middle of winter, even after having lived in the warmer still LA for years.

Eddie, having grown up in Texas, doesn’t agree and shivers as he zips his jacket up. “Can’t believe you consider this warm.”

“Not warm, but warm for February. No snow in sight!”

They cross though the park-like garden quickly and head for the vineyards past the edge of it, sloping gently uphill. There’s a clearly visible trail and even signs for multiple hiking trails that all point in the same direction: through the vineyard, and presumably to the top of the hill. It’s an easy trek to the next sign, which comes at the intersection of two different paths.

“Coyote Peak?” Eddie asks and Buck shrugs.

“Sounds fun, let’s give it a try.”

First, they have to reach the top of the hill, which is easy enough. From there, they already get stunning views of the surrounding mountains and the redwood forests covering them.

“That’s probably Coyote Peak,” Eddie says, pointing to the top of the mountain closest to them. “You up for a little climb?”

“It doesn’t look too steep. Let’s see how far we get before we have to turn around to avoid it getting dark. Imagine how embarrassing it would be if someone had to come rescue us, two firefighters!”

“Genuinely don’t even want to imagine it. If anyone of our friends would find out, we would never live it down.”

They take a few pictures of the view, then turn back to the trail leading deeper into the forest. It’s a fairly easy hike - not much harder than Runyon Canyon in LA, but much less sunny and much less crowded. The big trees provide plenty of shade, which must be a relief in the summer, same as the little creek running alongside the trail. It’s all very picturesque and quiet, no sounds of cars or any other part of civilization to be heard anywhere around them.

Neither he nor Eddie speak much, both content to listen to the sounds of nature around them. Buck can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. Usually, he quickly feels the need to fill up the silence with words, and he knows he has a habit of talking too much. Not with Eddie, though. With him, he can just exist. It’s the best kind of feeling.

There’s an implication in that feeling that Buck doesn’t want to spend too much time thinking about, so he focuses on matching his steps up to Eddie’s instead. He’ll think about it some other time, maybe. For now, he’s just glad he has a best friend who he’s this comfortable with. 

A short way before the peak, there’s a break in the vegetation, opening up a view over the valley below them. They both stop to get a better look.

“This is such a beautiful part of the country, too,” Buck says quietly, shielding his eyes from the sun and marveling at how far he can look. “It’s so close to home but I’ve never been, not even to San Francisco.”

“Me either,” Eddie says, taking a few steps back and pulling out his phone. “Smile, I wanna take a picture of you with this view for Christopher.”

Buck does as he’s told and smiles wide for the picture, then looks up towards where the trail disappears into the forest again. 

“Do you think we should turn around now? I don’t think the view is gonna be any better than here up there, with all the trees in the way, and if we wanna go to the spa before the wine tasting…”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Eddie says with a glance at his watch. “We might even have time to hit the gym for a bit if we head back now.”

“Eddie Diaz, you’re on vacation! Why would you go to the gym?”

“Just don’t wanna lose my routine too much. And you know as well as I do that these abs need constant work.”

Buck groans. “I wish they didn’t.”

Eddie laughs and pats Buck’s stomach before he turns to head back the way they came. 

“You don’t have to maintain them, you know? You can be fit and strong without having visible abs.”

“I know,” Buck says with a cheeky grin, “but they look good.”

Eddie grins too. “That they do.”

They’re back at the hotel well before sundown, with plenty of time to hit the gym and the spa. Of course, Buck accompanies Eddie to the gym. He doesn’t really mind, he’s not just this ripped for the optics or because of his job, but he actually likes working out. Besides, when they go together, there’s always someone to spot the other.

There’s only one other guy in the gym, and he throws them a withering glare when he sees them in their LAFD tank tops, tugging self-consciously on the sleeves of his own t-shirt. Buck feels a little bad, but also kind of smug. He’s worked hard on himself for his arms to look like this, so he thinks he’s allowed to show them off.

There are a few private shower stalls by the gym, and they both take a quick shower after their workout and before getting changed to head over to the spa. 

“Steam room first?” Eddie suggests, and Buck nods, trying not to look at his naked chest. Eddie’s bathrobe is open and he’s just wearing his swim trunks underneath, and somehow it’s different than seeing him change in the locker room or even in the showers at work, where they do have stalls, but Buck has seen most of his colleagues go in or come out of them at some point. Buck spends so much time with Eddie that he’s managed to push his attraction to his best friend so far aside that he doesn’t even really notice it anymore most of the time. It’s only now that he’s seeing more of him than he probably ever has that it’s suddenly back with full force, impossible to ignore.

It’s a relief when Eddie turns away to head towards the steam room and Buck can stay a half-step behind him while trying to get a grip. 

When he was still in high school, some of his straight friends stopped wanting to have anything to do with him after he came out. They started saying hurtful things about how weird it was to have him looking at them, about being worried he would touch them against their will. And while this is Eddie, who’s never seemed uncomfortable even when Buck is particularly physically affectionate, Buck is still scared of one day crossing a line that will ruin the best friendship he’s ever had. He’s sure nothing he could do would make Eddie act in the way those boys did back then, but he has to be careful not to overstep anyway. There must be a point where it gets too much even for Eddie. They’re here for a few more days and he’s sure he’ll see Eddie dressed like this more times, so he’ll just have to get used to it. 

Sighing to himself, he follows Eddie into the steam room.

They’re the only ones in there, so they each find a comfortable spot and settle in the humid heat. There’s a digital clock above the door and a sign on the wall warning them not to stay for longer than 15 minutes, and to hydrate after. They both left their water bottles in the lockers with their gym clothes, but Buck’s already starting to feel thirsty again.

“I shouldn’t have read that sign. Now I’m thirsty.”

Eddie chuckles, his head leaned back against the headrest and eyes closed. “They serve cucumber water in that room we saw yesterday, I think. Pretty sure I saw a bar.”

“Really? Relaxation room or whatever it was called? The one with the windows?”

“Yes, and the reclining chairs and stuff. We could go there in a few minutes.”

“Yeah,” Buck says, closing his eyes and relaxing more too. “This is nice too, though. Lots of health benefits, and perfect after a workout to avoid soreness. Looked it all up at home.”

Eddie just hums, so Buck shuts up too. Probably better anyway, if he wants to avoid getting any thirstier.

When their 15 minutes are over and they leave the steam room, Buck feels kind of woozy in the cool and dry air, and he has to steady himself with a hand against the wall.

“Woah,” Eddie makes, he’s by his side in a second and puts a steadying hand on his waist. It feels cool against Buck’s skin. “You okay? Maybe we should’ve gotten you something to drink earlier, shit. Come on, can you walk?”

Buck pushes off the wall carefully. “Yeah, sorry. Kind of underestimated that, I guess.”

Eddie leads him to the relaxation room, hovering as if he’s afraid Buck will fall, then makes him sit down in one of the bigger chairs once they’re there. He goes to the bar - which Buck hadn’t even noticed the last time they were in here - and returns with a glass of cucumber water and some kind of muffin.

“Drink,” he says, handing Buck the glass. “But small sips, just in case you’re actually dehydrated.”

Buck rolls his eyes but does as he’s told. Once he’s drained the glass, Eddie takes it from him and hands him the muffin instead. 

“They only had protein muffins, but eat this anyway. I’ll get you some more water.”

“Get some for yourself too,” Buck says through the first mouthful of muffin. It’s typical for Eddie to forget taking care of himself, even though he was in the steam room just as long as Buck and Buck’s fine anyway. It was probably just his lowered blood pressure and standing up too quickly or something.

Eddie returns with two glasses of water, so at least he listens to Buck, and sits down next to him. The chair is big enough for the two of them, but it still leaves them sitting pretty close.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah. Thanks. But I’m sure it was nothing.”

Eddie makes an unconvinced noise and narrows his eyes at him. 

“Can we still try out the Jacuzzi, doctor?”

Eddie laughs. “If you’re feeling okay and you’ve finished your water I don’t see why not.”

There’s a couple already in the Jacuzzi when they get there, but it’s big enough for at least six people, so Buck asks, “Mind if we join you?”

“Sure, go ahead,” the woman says with a smile, so they climb in and find seats in the opposite corner.

Buck sighs as he relaxes in the warm water. “What are the odds of you putting up one of these in your backyard?”

Eddie snorts. “Close to zero. Unless you have a secret fortune and want to pay for it?”

“I wish. But I’m sure Chris would love it too, now that,” Buck lowers his voice a little, even though the other couple don’t seem to be paying any attention to them, “now that he’s comfortable with getting into water again. This would be contained enough, right?”

“Yeah, even pools he’s okay with now. Doesn’t change the fact that I can’t afford it.”

Buck sighs theatrically. “Too bad. I’m really enjoying this, my shower just doesn’t live up.”

“If it did, I’d be seriously surprised. I mean, your shower is already much better than mine but even the fanciest additions to a shower don’t turn it into a jacuzzi.”

“Guess I’ll have to pay for a spa every now and then when we’re back in LA. Apparently there are gyms that have steam rooms and stuff, but since I only use the one at the station…”

Eddie grins. “You could put in a complaint with the higher-ups, request a steam room for every house and see how it goes over.”

“If I do, I’m sure they’ll find a way to fire me after all.”

“Hm. So it’ll have to be the spa or your shower, then.”

“You’re no help,” Buck whines, splashing a little water at Eddie, whose eyes widen in shock before he splashes back.

Buck sits up straighter and wipes at the drops on his face with his arm, which of course doesn’t help at all when said arm is wet from the Jacuzzi.

“Don’t you dare-” Eddie starts, but Buck’s already stretched out his arm just below the water surface to make a wave that hits Eddie in the face, leaving him dripping and spluttering.

He wipes at his face, laughing. “You’re such a child, I swear to god.”

The couple on the other side are looking over curiously, which is the only reason Buck doesn’t attempt to splash Eddie again, and probably also why he gets spared from a counterattack. He knows that Eddie’s tempted anyway and gives him a shit-eating grin. 

“Sucks being mature, huh?”

Eddie kicks him underwater and Buck just laughs.

They have just enough time to get ready for the wine tasting, so when Eddie’s phone rings and he answers it with a soft “Hey, little man”, Buck can’t stay because it’s his turn to shower. It’s okay, because Christopher is Eddie's son and Buck has no claim to him, but he still misses the kid. 

They head over to the small old building Buck spotted from their balcony yesterday with only minutes to spare. Buck’s stomach grumbles as they’re halfway through the garden, and he presses a hand to it.

“I hope they serve food there.”

“They better,” Eddie says emphatically, and Buck remembers that he didn’t even have that protein muffin earlier. “I’m starving.”

The small house seems to be separated only into a big room, the bathrooms and a storage room. There are big wine barrels used as bar tables by the windows, lamps made from cut wine bottles, and a long table surrounded by lots of chairs in the middle of the room. They needn’t have worried, because even though it’s almost the set start time, not many people have arrived before them.

Eddie and Buck find two seats next to each other and smile at the elderly couple that’s already sat at the table.

Platters of snack foods - small sandwiches, tiny quiches, some cheese, ham and salami, bread and a few kinds of savory pastries - are set up on the table, and Buck looks around carefully before snatching a piece of bread each for Eddie and him. Eddie raises his eyebrows in judgement but he takes the bread and eats it quickly anyway.

More people arrive (couples exclusively, this really is that kind of hotel), including the two from the Jacuzzi earlier, who laugh when they see Eddie and Buck and sit down next to them. 

They look to be around their age and introduce themselves as Imani and Marcus from Houston, and they’re all shaking hands when Kelly and Melissa from trivia night walk in, greeting Buck and Eddie excitedly. They’ve all barely finished introducing themselves and each other, when a lady at the short end of the table claps her hands before spreading her arms wide.

“Welcome everyone,” she starts, “to our Saturday night wine tasting!”

She introduces herself as Lisa and explains how everything will work - they can and should fill up on the food, they will get to try eight different wines and should drink water in between to neutralize the taste, and if they don’t want to drink any or all of the wine they’re tasting, they’re allowed to spit it into something called a “spittoon”, an hourglass shaped metal bowl, which Buck thinks sounds disgusting but apparently isn’t considered rude at a wine tasting.

“Well I won’t be using that thing,” Imani says under her breath next to him, “I didn’t come here to leave sober.”

Buck snorts and tries to cover it up by coughing when Lisa gives him a stern glance before she continues.

“Once we all have a glass of wine, we will follow what we call the "five S" steps: see, swirl, sniff, sip, savor. That means that you will take a look at the wine’s colour, then swirl it around the glass, smell it, take a small sip and keep it in your mouth to savor it and really figure out what it is you’re tasting. Then you can either swallow the wine or spit it out.”

Imani and Buck exchange another look and both bite their lips to keep from laughing and she tries hiding her face behind a curtain of her long, curly hair. Eddie rolls his eyes at Buck again, mouthing “real mature”, but Buck can tell that he’s suppressing a laugh as well, so he mouths back “hypocrite”, and Eddie hides his grin behind his hand.

“In step three, sniff, we also call the wine’s bouquet or aroma “the nose”, and by gently swirling the glass in step two, we release this aroma to help us anticipate what we are going to taste. Once we’ve taken a sip in step four, we move on to step five, savor, and allow our tongue to really taste the wine. If you purse your mouth and breathe in through the small gap that creates, the taste will intensify even more. The most important thing is taking your time with each step. You will each get a sheet on which you can note down what it is you smell and taste, if you want, but this is not a class or anything, so if you just want to enjoy the wine without taking notes, that’s fine too! Any questions or shall we begin?”

Two servers start distributing wine and water glasses, and Imani rubs her hands excitedly, looking between Marcus on her right and the rest of them on her left. “Let’s do this! Do any of you know shit about wine?”

“Not me or Buck,” Eddie says. “He just says ‘tastes like wine’.”

Buck shrugs. “Well, it does. But I’m open to being proven wrong today.”

“We’re not connoisseurs or anything,” Kelly says, “but we know a little bit about wine. Don’t worry though, a wine tasting is really fun whether you know your wine or not.”

“We’re starting with a sparkling wine,” Lisa announces at the front as the servers start pouring everyone a half glass. “Most of you probably already tried the Rosé that was served as a welcome drink, and this is a White Sparkling Wine from the same local winery. With sparkling wine, it’s best not to swirl too much, you don’t want to lose any of the bubbles. So, start with the ‘five S’s, everyone! See, swirl, sniff, sip, savor.”

There’s a murmur going up all around the table as people peer at their wine glasses and swirl them experimentally. Buck does too, very carefully, and looks at Kelly and Melissa to see if he’s doing it right. Eddie next to him looks completely out of his depth and glances both ways for help.

“Are those too many bubbles? Am I losing my bubbles, Buck?”

Buck laughs, nudging his knee against Eddie’s below the table. “I don’t know! Maybe just move on to sniffing it anyway? How long are we supposed to do each step for anyway?”

Imani and Marcus seem just as unsure, but Kelly and Melissa are laughing at them. “Don’t overthink it, you guys! Go on, sniff, sip, savor!”

Carefully, Buck breathes in with his nose by the rim of the glass like he’s seen other people do. It tickles a little in his nose and doesn’t smell like much, as far as he can tell. Others are already taking notes, but he just exchanges a wide-eyed glance with Eddie and takes a sip, keeping the wine in his mouth.

“What do you taste?” Lisa wants to know from them all, and Buck thinks “bubbles” the exact moment Imani whispers the same next to him. He grins at her.

Other people speak up, naming outlandish things like melon, pear or pineapple, and Lisa nods appreciatively. 

“Very good! If you taste melon, apple, or pineapple, that is the Chardonnay. The pear or apricots and peaches come from the added Pinot grigio. Well done, everyone!”

Buck shakes his head and drains the rest of his glass. No fruit of any kind.

“It tastes good,” Eddie says, reaching for a quiche and giving it to Buck before grabbing another one for himself. “But that’s about the extent of it for me. I don’t know where these people have trained their tongues, but I didn’t taste any of that.”

The quiche is delicious and Buck nods emphatically as he chews.

“Yeah, same,” Marcus agrees, swirling his glass once more before he empties it too. “Whatever they say.”

Lisa continues her lecture at the front, talking about the local wineries and that they only serve wines from the area, both at the hotel and at these tastings, then goes on a tangent on wine in general. “Californian wines - or all wines that we call New World wines - are usually more fruit dominant than European wines, or Old World wines. That’s because the weather here is so reliably warm, wineries can use very ripe fruit to create their wines. This is also the reason why many Californian wines have a higher alcohol content than European ones. For example, the Chardonnay we’re serving now tastes very different from a French Chardonnay, even though it is made from the same grape. Look out for the fruity notes we mentioned earlier, and see if you can taste anything else!”

All around the table, people take their glasses and tilt them, studying the colour of the wine, then swirl them carefully before leaning in to sniff. It’s a funny picture.

Admittedly, though, this one does smell a little different than the first one, though Buck isn’t sure if it’s just the lack of carbon. He takes his sip and tries breathing in like Lisa said and he can hear other people doing, making a weird bubbling, slurping sound, but he only manages to almost choke on the wine. He coughs and Eddie thumps his back, then keeps rubbing it even after Buck has stopped coughing.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Buck says. “Not sure I did that right.”

Eddie laughs. “Pretty sure you didn’t.”

Apparently, this wine has a vanilla note (which comes from the oak barrel it aged in), which Buck doesn’t really recognise even when he actually manages to ‘savor’ the wine correctly on the second try.

Still, the more wine they sample and the more food they eat, the better the evening gets. They’re in great company, Kelly and Melissa are as nice as ever and Imani and Marcus are amazing, so they have a lot of fun. Imani is hilarious and makes Buck inhale his wine more than once when she comments on what she does or doesn’t taste, Eddie always ready to clap his back even through his own laughter. 

After a few white wines, they move on to reds, and the foods on the table get switched to desserts and dark chocolate.

“Man, I’m glad Marcus convinced me to come to this thing,” Imani sighs, looking at the piece of chocolate in her hand adoringly. They’re all probably already past tipsy at this point. “I thought it was gonna be a bunch of old white people and we’d be the odd ones out because we’re like, almost the only Black people at this hotel, but who’d have thought we’d end up with y’all on our little diverse side of the table.”

She gestures towards them and Kelly toasts her with her glass and a laugh. “I’ll drink to that.”

Eddie’s hand has been on the back of Buck’s chair for a while now, but he suddenly moves it to the back of his neck, making Buck shiver involuntarily. He should be used to this, Eddie always gets a little touchy when drunk, but with the confusion he’s been feeling over the past few days, it’s hard to focus on much else. Eddie’s playing with the hair at his nape and talking to Melissa and Kelly like it’s nothing out of the ordinary, and Buck knows it’s all part of the act - but he’s a little too drunk to deal with this right now. He downs the rest of his wine and nods when the waiter offers him a refill. Maybe the key is to get even more drunk.

It seems that the things they’re supposed to taste in the wine get more and more outlandish - cherry, plums and berries make sense and Buck thinks he might actually get those when he concentrates, but when pepper, tobacco and “freshly mown grass” get thrown in the mix, Buck decides that everyone must be drunk.

Imani’s got her nose in her glass and a frown on her face. “Am I supposed to smell the grass or taste it? And is it supposed to taste good? This is all so confusing.”

Kelly is giggling uncontrollably, leaning against Melissa. “This is the most fun I’ve ever had at a wine tasting.”

“It’s also the most you’ve ever had to drink at a wine tasting,” Melissa says. “Because you all keep saying yes to refills instead of sticking to the one sip or at least glass you need to taste it.”

“Boo,” Eddie makes, “don’t hate us for figuring out how to do this right.”

Melissa grins and lifts her glass again. “Never said I hated it.”

The last wine they’re served is a white dessert wine where Lisa names asparagus and honey as some of the common sensory descriptors, and Buck decides a little sluggishly that he just doesn’t have the taste buds for this activity and wine will stay wine for him and the most he can differentiate is whether it’s sweet or more acidic.

Eddie’s got his arm on the back of Buck’s chair again, and Buck leans his heavy head on his arm with a content sigh, face turned towards Eddie. Everything’s a little fuzzy now, and Eddie is solid and warm next to him.

Eddie’s eating a sweet pastry with his free hand and Buck finds himself watching in fascination as he eats the last bite and licks the crumbs from his fingers. He’s doing so absently, his eyes heavy-lidded, and Buck realises he must be just as drunk as him. He’s ethereal in this light, Buck thinks, even more beautiful than usually. He can’t look away.

“I think it’s time for bed,” someone says, and Buck blinks, disoriented. It takes a few seconds until he’s found his bearings, but then he figures it must’ve been Melissa who spoke, she seems the only one still capable of making decisions. His own thoughts are kind of muddled and he finds it hard to focus on anything but the warmth of Eddie’s arm beneath his cheek. He’s  _ really _ drunk.

“Are you all okay to get back to the hotel or do you wanna walk with us?”

“Maybe we should,” Buck mumbles, even though he doesn’t feel very inclined to move. But they have to make their way back through the garden, and Eddie doesn’t seem any more sober judging from the unfocused look in his eyes.

Melissa makes them all drink some water before she helps Kelly to her feet. Kelly’s looking at her with such open adoration that Buck feels equally touched and jealous. All he wants, all he’s wanted since Abby, is someone to look at like that.

He stands up and has to steady himself for a second. Damn, he lost count of how much wine he was drinking like halfway in, but it’s pretty obvious that it was too much. Eddie sways too when he gets up, so it’s only logical they steady each other like the other couples are doing, Buck’s arm around Eddie’s shoulders and Eddie’s around Buck’s waist. This way, they slowly make their way back to the hotel with Kelly, Melissa, Imani and Marcus. 

They’re all tired now and the hilarity has died down, so it’s quiet except for the occasional murmur from one of the couples. Eddie and Buck don’t speak.

They say goodnight in the lift when the others get off one floor below Buck and Eddie’s room, then slowly walk to their room, still arm in arm. Eddie fumbles with the room key for a bit, but then they’re finally inside, and Buck faceplants on the bed.

“Brush your teeth and take off your jeans first,” Eddie mumbles, words a little slurred, “or you’ll hate yourself tomorrow.”

“More than I already will anyway?” Buck asks into the bedspread, but pushes himself up anyway. He knows Eddie is right.

“Hey,” Eddie’s words are even harder to understand when they’re spoken around his toothbrush as they stand next to each other in the bathroom to brush their teeth, occasionally swaying into each other. “When you said...the other day. When you said you knew that guy, George something?”

“Boy George?”

“Yeah, him. When you said you knew him from when you were figuring yourself out. What...what did you mean?”

Buck spits out his toothpaste and frowns at Eddie. “I, uh, dunno what you’re asking.”

“Did...did you mean your, y’know, sexuality?”

Buck frowns even more. “Yeah. What else?”

“Oh.” Eddie hides his face behind a towel and says very quickly, “Ididn’tknowyouweren’tstraight.”

This is too weird of a conversation to be having drunk and half asleep, but Buck battles on. “I’m bi. Thought that was common knowledge?”

“Uh, no. Not for me? But it’s...um, cool. That you are, I mean.”

“Oookay,” Buck says, drawn out, and leaves the bathroom (he manages to only bump into the doorframe on his way out) so he can finally fall into bed. He’s not sure what to make of this entire conversation, but he’s too tired and tipsy to think about anything but his pillow waiting for him.

He’s almost asleep when Eddie trips over something on the floor, but he doesn’t open his eyes when Eddie curses before the bed dips as he finally makes it there. Too tired.

The sheets rustle and Buck feels Eddie move around for a bit before he settles. 

Almost like through a fog and more than halfway asleep, he hears Eddie whisper, “I am, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *jazz hands*


	4. Day Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, you guys are the sweetest and your comments on the last chapter made me so happy!! 🥺 on we go:

Ow. There’s a pounding in Buck’s head and a bad taste in his mouth when he wakes up. The sunlight shining through the blinds is too bright and he groans as he sits up, feeling like death. Without opening his eyes more than a slit, he stumbles to the minibar to get himself something to drink. They’ve got bottled water in there and he grabs one, drains it in almost one go. He grabs another one for himself and one for Eddie, sitting it on his nightstand before he climbs back into bed, closing his eyes again.

When he wakes up for the second time, his head feels considerably clearer, and Eddie’s got an arm around his waist. Buck freezes. Yeah, that’s Eddie holding him close, Eddie’s forehead pressed to the back of his neck, Eddie’s breath hitting his skin in quiet puffs.

Eddie, who...Buck tries remembering last night, after they returned to their room. Did Eddie  _ come out _ to him last night?

Buck squeezes his eyes shut. Is that possible? Or is it something his alcohol-addled brain made up?

At his back, he can tell Eddie’s waking up. His arm tightens around Buck’s waist and he takes a deep breath as he slowly regains consciousness. Then he pulls away like he’s burned himself, almost flinging his body off the other side of the bed.

Buck rolls onto his back and turns his head to look at Eddie, who looks back with wide, spooked eyes. “Sorry, I- sorry.”

“Don’t,” Buck says quietly. “I like a cuddle, after all.”

Eddie relaxes a little, shimmying away from the edge of the bed and turning on his back too. He looks rumpled and as hungover as Buck feels, but Buck has to ask.

“Hey, Eddie? Last night...did- did you come out to me?”

It’s quiet for a long time and Buck watches Eddie’s profile as he stares at the ceiling, waiting patiently.

“I haven’t even kissed a guy since high school, before Shannon,” he says finally, still not looking at Buck. “I’m not sure it counts, but...I guess I wanted you to know.”

“It counts. Even if you hadn’t ever kissed a guy. There’s no...entry level qualifications or whatever. If you identify as bisexual, that’s what you are, no matter your experience.”

Eddie finally looks over, giving him a wry smile. “Thanks.”

Buck shrugs. “I just hate the kind of bullshit people say about us sometimes. So just...you’re valid, okay? Your identity is valid.”

“I didn’t know you were bi,” Eddie admits. “Did I miss you coming out?”

Buck laughs a little. “No. I just...thought you knew? Everyone knows, I haven’t kept it a secret in years, so the rest of the team knows that Buck 1.0 wasn’t picky when it came to gender. I guess it never came up with you, huh?”

“Guess not.”

“I make comments all the time though, like, we hang out so much and you never noticed I said shit like “Chris Evans looks hot with a beard” or if you did, you didn’t think twice about it!”

Eddie hides his face in his hands, laughing. “If you say it like that, it sounds really stupid.”

“A little bit, dude, but I guess even bisexuals can sometimes fall victim to heteronormative thinking,” Buck says, reaching out to pat Eddie’s stomach consolingly. Eddie lowers his hands and shakes his head a little.

“Anyway, this is kind of an intense conversation to be having this early, isn’t it? My head feels like someone took a sledgehammer to it.”

“There’s some water on your bedside table. And then maybe we should find the greasiest breakfast available, what do you think?”

Eddie groans as he reaches for the bottle of water. “Yeah, hopefully that’ll do the trick.”

It doesn’t, not fully - but thankfully, they’re at a wellness retreat, so they spend the rest of the morning sweating out the rest of the alcohol in the steam room, getting massages and facials, and slowly start feeling like humans again.

They’re on adjoining reclining chairs in the relaxation room, dozing a little and letting the sun warm them through the big windows, when Buck’s phone buzzes. He reads the text, snorts, and tells Eddie, who’s looking over curiously, “May just texted. ‘Mom told me you and Eddie are on a trip to a wellness retreat you won because no one you offered it to could go. Thanks for not asking me! I’m seeing this girl who would’ve loved to go with me’.”

“May’s got a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know if they’re official or anything, but I think she really likes her. She kept texting me for advice, it was adorable.”

“I think it’s adorable that literally everyone in the Grant-Nash family has adopted you,” Eddie grins and Buck swats at him, even though the comment makes him feel more pleased than annoyed. 

A second text comes in, also from May, and Buck’s suddenly glad he read the first one to Eddie instead of handing him his phone. This one says: ‘Though I bet a couple’s weekend with Eddie is just after your taste’, with a whole bunch of winky face and eye emojis.

This must be what it feels like having younger siblings.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he texts back, and just gets the angel face emoji back. He hates her sometimes.

“Hm?” Eddie makes, and Buck quickly pockets his phone again.

“Oh, nothing. She’s just giving me shit.”

Eddie laughs. “Little sisters. Biggest joy on earth.”

They get a small lunch at the restaurant and then head over to reception to meet up for the cooking class they let Steven and Linda sign them up for.

“How bad do you think I’m gonna be at this?”

Buck laughs. “Eds, come on. There’ll be instructions and someone to explain every step to us, I don’t think much can go wrong.”

“Hm. I don’t know how you can be so sure of that when you’ve seen me in the kitchen.”

“Well, I believe there’s hope for everyone. Let’s just give it a try, okay?”

Linda, Steven, Patricia and John are already there, as well as one other couple.

“Hi, you two,” Linda calls out to them. “So glad you made it!”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Buck grins. “So where are we having this class?”

Turns out they have to take a short drive: there’s a minivan outside to drive all eight of them a few miles to the edge of town, where they park in front of a building with a big sign reading ‘St. Helena Culinary School’.

Inside, Buck and Eddie just follow the others, who clearly know where they’re going, into a classroom with six fully equipped kitchen stations. 

“Fancy,” Eddie whispers, and Buck feels a little intimidated too.

There’s a smiling woman at the front of the room, waving at them to enter.

“Hi, everyone,” she says, “I’m Julie, your cooking instructor today. Come on in and find a station, one for each couple.”

Buck and Eddie look at each other and then pick a station in the second row. There’s an oven and four burners, a fridge, and what looks like every utensil you could ever need for either cooking or baking. There are also two aprons with the logo of the school on the front. It almost looks like they’re on some TV cooking show.

“Welcome, welcome,” Julie says, “I’m glad you all signed up for this. We’ll be spending our afternoon making a seasonal 3-course-meal from local produce and learning  cooking theory, technique, tips, and tricks to make you a better cook . And afterwards, we’ll get to enjoy the results for dinner, so make sure to do your best!”

Eddie pales a little at that and Buck nudges his shoulder with his own, whispers, “It’ll be fine.”

“We’re going to be making a spring menu. On your work stations, you’ll find the printed out recipes, and we’ll be reading through them first together before we move on to some theory. Only after that, we’ll actually start cooking. So grab those recipes and let’s get started!”

Buck and Eddie stand shoulder to shoulder, looking at the recipe sheet while Julie walks them through it one by one. When they’re done, Buck frowns.

“Hey, um, why are there four courses on this when you said we’d be making a three course meal?”

“Good catch! As you can see, one is vegetarian and one is just a meat course with no side dishes. You can either serve them together or pick just one, but I wanted this class to include a vegetarian and a non-vegetarian option, so that’s why it looks like a four-course-meal. And I suppose we’ll be eating it as that too, sorry for the confusion!”

They dive straight into the theory, Julie telling them about the importance of the quality of meat and produce and how to spot it, about oven and core temperatures, about basic sauces and about spices that work or don’t work together. Some of it is stuff that Buck already knows from Bobby, but they haven’t really moved past breakfast foods and simpler lunch and dinner options, so a lot of it is new too. Next to him, Eddie is taking notes but looking more and more worried.

After an hour, they finally get the go to start cooking, and Eddie hangs his head, hands on the counter. “Just give me the assistant jobs, I’ll chop anything you need but I don’t wanna ruin dinner.”

Buck squeezes his arm. “No, Eddie. I’m sure there are things you can do too, and I’m right there next to you to help if something goes wrong. How do you feel about giving dessert a try? The Pavlova doesn’t sound too difficult, actually.”

“I guess I can beat egg whites,” Eddie says with uncertainty. “But can you separate the eggs for me?”

Buck grins, thankful that Bobby has made him practice this countless times. “Of course.”

While Eddie beats the egg whites until they’re stiff, Buck gets started on the pasta dough for their fresh pasta with asparagus, lemon and cream. Eddie squeezes a few lemons for Buck’s sauce and the meringue that’s gonna become a pavlova eventually, then rubs the tri-tip with salt and herbs after he put the meringue in the oven to slow bake. He doesn’t seem to be getting any more confident with every step, even though he’s been doing great so far.

Buck is cooking the asparagus and looks over to see Eddie looking frazzled, wiping his brow as he grills the meat on high heat, clearly worried it’s going to burn.

This is something entirely out of his comfort zone, and yet he’s here - because Buck wanted to come. Buck’s heart contracts in his chest, and he can’t seem to look away from Eddie. He hasn’t allowed himself to think about the fact that one of his main reasons not to do anything about his attraction to Eddie is gone now that he knows that Eddie isn’t actually straight either. The biggest reason still stands in his way, though: Eddie’s his best friend, and he can’t risk ruining that.

And yet. Buck swallows and forces his eyes back on the asparagus in front of him, heart beating in his throat.

It’s not just attraction on top of friendship he feels towards Eddie, he realises, like a puzzle piece slipping into place. It’s love. He’s in love with Eddie.

How did he miss that? It’s not a new feeling, what’s new is the clarity with which he recognises it. Apparently he’s been lying to himself for months, if not longer. 

“Hey, do you want me to clean the mushrooms?” Buck startles at Eddie’s question, still trying to get a grip on the feelings that are suddenly flowing freely through his brain, pulling memories into light and making him look at everything Eddie has ever done for him, everything Eddie is, everything he loves about him. 

Will it be obvious on his face if he looks up now?

“Uh, sure, thanks,” he mumbles, pretending he’s too busy checking on his pasta sauce to look at Eddie, even though he hates himself a little for it.

They finish cooking in relative silence, but work around and with each other as seamlessly as they do at work. Eddie does more of the preparation and cleaning up while Buck does most of the actual cooking, and when it’s done, they turn to each other, grinning wide.

“We did it,” Buck laughs, temporarily forgetting about the chaos inside his head and his heart.

“Hell yes.” Eddie holds his hand up for a high five which Buck gives him, still grinning.

“And you cooked the meat all on your own! I’m so proud of you.”

“You haven’t tried it yet, you might change your mind, Buck. But thanks. It was actually kind of fun.”

“I’m glad you didn’t hate it. But, uh, thank you anyway. I know this isn’t something you’d have picked yourself.”

Eddie looks down, actually  _ blushing _ , and Buck suddenly realises how close they’re standing. When did that happen? And is it a normal distance for them or too close? How did he do this before he realised?

“Let’s take a picture of you,” Linda is suddenly there, beaming at them. “You just made a three course meal in teamwork, trust me, it’s a great memory to put in the family album.”

“Oh,” Eddie says, pulling his phone out and handing it to her, “sure, thanks.”

They grin for the camera and Buck points at the food that’s on the counter goofily, but then Linda looks at them around Eddie’s phone with a stern look. “How about one where you’re a little bit closer, hm? Eddie, put your arm around Buck.”

The way she says it makes it clear she won’t have any argument, so they only exchange an amused glance before Buck wraps an arm around Eddie’s shoulder as Eddie’s arm tightens around his waist.

“Beautiful! Now give us a kiss!”

Below his arm, Buck can feel Eddie’s shoulder tense, so even though he knows it’s not exactly what Linda means, he darts in and presses a kiss to Eddie’s cheek. She seems pleased enough when he pulls back, and gives Eddie his phone back.

“The table is set in the next room over,” Julie calls from the front, a welcome enough distraction, because Buck’s a little scared again to look at Eddie directly, “so make sure your mushrooms are warm enough and bring them on over.”

It’s dark outside by now and the room they’ll be eating in is lit by candlelight and indirect lighting, the big table in the middle decorated with roses and more candles. It’s all very romantic, and Buck can barely hold back a groan. Just what he needs tonight.

Everyone finds a seat around the table and places their “Pan Grilled Hen of the Woods Mushrooms” dishes in front of them. Buck is pretty proud at how they turned out, if he’s honest, because this is his first time ever cooking any mushroom at all, and they look pretty decent. And they taste pretty good, too.

“Oh, you can definitely make this for Bobby, he’s gonna be impressed for sure,” Eddie says around his second fork of the dish, nudging his shoulder against Buck’s. “It’s delicious.”

Buck grins, pleased, and also takes another bite. It really is.

Thankfully, due to them all being sat around the same table, the dinner doesn’t really feel like a romantic candlelight dinner despite the decorations. They swap around the dishes and let each other try, to see if there are differences even though they all followed the same recipes. The main courses, Fresh Pasta with Asparagus, Lemon and Cream, and Grilled Tri-tip with Garlic and Herbs, do taste quite different from team to team. Eddie’s Tri-tip tastes amazing, Buck thinks and tells him as much. Eddie blushes again, even more so when others praise him too. John and Patricia’s meat turned out quite tough, and the one made by the fourth couple, Michael and Tina, tastes a little flat because they didn’t use enough of the herbs.

Julie also has a seemingly never-ending supply of wine that complements the food and flows in copious amounts. Buck holds back though, taking small sips only, and he can tell that Eddie is too. He probably wants to avoid a second hangover in as many days, which is a very valid reason, but Buck is mainly terrified of what he might do if the alcohol lowers his inhibitions too much. He’s been feeling off-kilter ever since he realised the depth of his feelings for Eddie, and the candlelight flickering warmly across Eddie’s face isn’t helping at all. At least he can look all he wants while they’re still pretending, and he plans to take advantage of that. He just can’t risk doing something stupid and reckless, so he drinks more water than wine.

The Pavlovas with Berries and Basil Syrup served for dessert are mostly amazing, though not everyone managed to get the consistency (crunchy on the outside, gooey on the inside) perfectly right. But even if it’s more of a meringue, everyone agrees that the combination of tastes is incredible.

After dinner, they all help clean up and put the dishes into the industrial size dishwashers before they thank Julie and gather out front to wait for their ride back to the hotel. It’s pretty cool outside, and Buck starts hopping up and down only a few minutes in to stay warm. When Eddie’s phone starts ringing, he steps a few feet away to answer it. Buck keeps an eye on him while listening to Linda and Patricia’s conversation about Patricia’s grandkids, so when Eddie gestures at him to come closer, he does so immediately with a quick apology to the two women. They only give him an indulgent smile when they see where he’s headed.

“It’s Chris,” Eddie says when he reaches him, holding out his phone that he’s put on speaker. “He wants to talk to you, too,”

Buck steps closer, a smile already growing on his face. “Aw, hey buddy! I miss you! How’s camp?”

“I miss you too!” Christopher calls down the line. “I have lots of art for your apartment!”

“I can’t wait to see it! Unless you don’t want to leave camp?”

Chris laughs. “No, I’ll come home. But only in four days!”

Buck folds his arms, shivering in the gust of wind that just hit them. “So you’re having fun?”

Eddie leans in, his warm shoulder pressing against Buck’s. “Tell Buck about the game you played yesterday.”

As Chris launches into an elaborate story about a complicated game involving characters everyone had to play and sounding so excited Buck can’t stop smiling, Eddie reaches out and starts rubbing his arm. Buck throws him a startled look but Eddie just shakes his head with a grin and keeps rubbing, his arm around Buck’s shoulder until the shivering stops.

They talk to Christopher for a few more minutes and Eddie doesn’t let go of him, so Buck doesn’t attempt to put more distance between them either. It’s probably for show, but he’ll take what he can get right now. 

“Should've worn a warmer jacket,” Eddie teases after they’ve wished Christopher a good night, and slowly pulls his arm away.

Buck shrugs a little, giving him a lopsided grin. “What do I have you for?”

Eddie laughs and bumps their shoulders together. “Better than any space heater, I’m sure.”

It feels like flirting, a little bit, but Eddie steps away when the car arrives to pick them up and Buck shakes his head. It must be wishful thinking.

All eight of them pile into the car and Linda twists in her seat to smile at Buck and Eddie, holding her phone out to them.

“Look,” she says, “I took this picture of you while you were on the phone because you were just too cute for words.”

The picture is pretty dark, seeing as it’s dark outside, but it’s still very clearly Buck and Eddie, huddled around Eddie’s phone, which is casting a glow on their smiling faces. Eddie’s got an arm around Buck and their heads are bent close. It really is an adorable picture, and Buck’s heart thumps painfully in his chest. Who’d have thought this trip would turn him into a lovesick puppy?

Linda offers to airdrop the picture to them and Buck doesn’t know how to refuse and clearly neither does Eddie, so they both save it to their phones. Eddie gives Buck a wry smile and a one-shouldered shrug when he puts his phone away again, and Buck does his best to smile back casually.

Back at the hotel, the rest of their group - considerably more drunk than Buck and Eddie - want to head over to the bar to end the evening there, but Buck doesn’t really feel like it, and one look exchanged with Eddie confirms that he’s also not interested, so they make their excuses instead. There are lots of raised eyebrows, knowing smiles and even some innuendos, and Buck’s face is burning when they finally head to the lift.

“Sure is easier to make excuses when people assume they know what you’re gonna do,” Eddie says with a laugh that Buck tries to answer. His mouth has gone a little dry at the thought of what the others think they’re up to.

“Yeah, I just liked the idea of trash TV in our room better than having to socialise more tonight. We’re on vacation, after all.”

“Exactly, sometimes you just gotta chill.”

They both put on sweats and settle on the small couch in their room to watch TV, and it’s comfortable, not really different from any other night at Eddie’s house or Buck’s apartment. Except for how Buck is suddenly very aware of how small the couch is and that Eddie, who’s pulled his feet up on it and is looking at his phone more than the TV, is literally within arm’s reach. He finds it hard to focus on the TV too. So instead, he takes his phone out too and texts Maddie to give her a rundown of their day, which she asks for every evening. He leaves out some details and all of his feelings because he knows she’ll tell Chim about it, who will tell Hen, who will probably tell Athena and so on until everyone knows, which he simply cannot risk. Maybe he’ll tell her once they’re back and he can make her promise not to say anything. He should probably talk to someone, if only to start processing and get a fighting chance of moving past it.

They don’t talk much until Eddie eventually puts his phone down and says, “So. Last day tomorrow, what do you wanna do?”

Buck hums. “Should we just try and get every wellness treatment we can? We could go to the gym too, and the pool. I just don’t really feel like another group activity.”

“I get that, and it’s fine with me. I still haven’t tried that mud thing and I kind of want to.”

“And you...you’re really sure about that?”

“I think so. But maybe you could be there, you know, in the room? Even if you don’t wanna get the treatment yourself. Just in case it triggers something or whatever.”

“Yeah, sure, of course! I think I’d feel better too if I was there, to be honest.”

Eddie smiles at him and Buck wonders again where the line between what’s normal for their friendship and giving himself away is. At least Eddie doesn’t seem put off so far.

“Cool,” he just says, “thanks, man.”

They go to bed eventually, nothing on TV capturing their attention enough to win out over the yawns and drooping eyelids, and Eddie’s breathing evens out within minutes. Buck can’t sleep.

He’s busy thinking about his friendship with Eddie, remembering things and looking at them in a different light. There are many small things, so much time spent with Eddie and Christopher and feeling completely at home with them. There’s the hour or so where he thought he’d lost Eddie or was about to lose him, the complete despair he felt. Looking back, he’s pretty sure that wasn’t just the feeling of losing your best friend.

Fact is that he’s in love with Eddie, and has been for god knows how long. But somehow, he’s managed to suppress the feeling so well he didn’t even notice himself until today, and he kind of wishes he could go back to that. Yes, he was probably already unconsciously pining for Eddie and maybe self-sabotaging other potential relationships, but at least it was his subconscious that did the pining, not his actual, conscious mind. This is agony.

Eddie is only inches away from him in bed and yet completely unattainable. If he says something, he risks losing his best friend, losing  _ Chris _ , and that can’t happen. He has to find a way to live with these feelings, and in a way that lets him enjoy his time with the Diazes but won’t make them obvious to Eddie. In short, he has to get over Eddie, and fast.

With a sigh, Buck turns on his side and looks at Eddie’s sleeping form next to him. If only this could be his real life, if only he got to wake up next to Eddie every day, Christopher just across the hallway.

With the longing heavy in his chest, Buck finally falls asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not a planner when it comes to writing, but one of the very few points on my outline was "Flustered kitchen Eddie = Love ", so. this is that, i guess?


	5. Day Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the longer than usual wait! i've been having a horrible headache that makes it hard to look at screens or focus on anything, but hopefully that'll be over soon!

Eddie’s arm is a warm weight around his middle when Buck wakes up. For a few minutes, he allows himself to just lie there and enjoy it. When Eddie wakes up, he isn’t as quick as yesterday to pull away and keeps his arm around Buck for a few moments before he slowly pulls away.

His voice sounds a little rough when he mumbles, “Morning.”

Buck smiles and turns on his back so he can see Eddie. “Morning. Sleep well?”

“Yeah. This mattress must be really good, I haven’t had a single nightmare since we got here.”

It’s not something Eddie would’ve said so much as a year ago, Buck thinks, admitting so easily to having regular nightmares. It’s a great feeling to have him casually drop it like this, like it’s no big deal to be vulnerable in front of Buck. He’s sure he has Frank to thank for that and not Buck, but it still speaks volumes of the trust between them.

Buck stretches extensively, back arching and hands pressed to the headboard, and yawns, and then he says, “That’s great, Eds. Maybe you’re moving past processing through nightmares now. Or maybe we should ask for the make of this bed when we check out.”

When Eddie doesn’t laugh, Buck looks at him again and finds him pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. Worried, he sits up. “You okay?”

Eddie makes an affirmative noise but doesn’t take his hands off his eyes, so Buck keeps frowning at him. “You sure about that?”

“I’ll be fine. Why don’t you go take a shower?”

He’s acting weird, but Buck doesn’t know what to do about it, so he does as he’s told and grabs his stuff to go to the en-suite. Before he closes the door behind himself, he takes one last look at Eddie, who’s now staring at the ceiling simultaneously as if it’s done something to hurt him and as if he’s hoping it’ll answer all his questions. Weird.

In the bathroom, Buck looks at himself in the mirror and thinks of Eddie in their hotel bed, acting weird. He shakes his head and opens the bathroom door again.

“I changed my mind, we’re going to the gym first!”

Eddie doesn’t look like he’s moved, but lifts his head now. “Before breakfast?”

“Hell yeah before breakfast, you don’t think I’d let you work out on a full stomach? I’ve got protein bars we can eat on the way down, but save breakfast for later.”

Eddie groans. “Do I have to?”

“You’re being weird and I think working off some excess energy will do us both good, so yes. Sorry.” Buck doesn’t say that he still feels as restless and twitchy as yesterday, ever since he realised how he actually feels about his best friend. Maybe a good workout will get him out of his head and screw it on right again.

This early, they’re alone in the gym and go about their usual routine for 45 minutes, legs, arms, abs, back, without talking much. This is familiar, and it’s hard enough to keep talking to a minimum anyway, even if you wanted to, but Buck thinks they’re both glad to just focus on their bodies for now. His mind is miraculously quiet.

After, they both sit there for a few minutes and breathe heavily. Eddie wipes his brow with the back of his hand and it reminds Buck startlingly of the kitchen yesterday, and then he’s immediately where he was before the workout. Great, so that plan clearly didn’t work.

When they finally sit down at breakfast a while later, there’s a weird kind of tension between them. Buck doesn’t know what caused it, if he’s giving off a vibe he doesn’t want to or if Eddie is just still in a weird mood. He doesn’t want it to ruin their last full day on this trip, though, so he’s extra nice to Eddie, gets him refills for his coffee and his favourite foods, even if he has to wait for them to be restocked or made freshly. 

Eddie looks at him with a very cute surprised and pleased expression on his face every time, so Buck figures it’s worth it.

After breakfast, they FaceTime Chris for a while, which helps so much that things feel normal again afterwards. Maybe it’s just all this uninterrupted time they’re spending together, it was bound to get too much eventually, they’ve been in each other’s space for almost four whole days after all. Everyone would hit a rough patch in between and it’s a miracle they’ve even lasted this long.

“Okay,” Eddie says, laying back against the couch, “so should we head down and book some wellness treatments? We could go to the pool for a while, then have lunch and do the rest this afternoon.”

Downstairs at the spa, they ask about the volcanic mud treatment and if it’s available for just one person at a time or two at once.

“You see,” Buck explains, “my, uh...Eddie here has some mud-related trauma and I’d like to be there just in case he needs me.”

“Oh, of course, sir. We have a room with two mud tubs for couples, so you could both get the treatment at the same time. Or you can choose to be in the room while Mr Diaz gets it.”

“Are the tubs far apart or would I be able to reach him?”

Eddie throws him a glance but Buck ignores him. He knows from the few times he’s witnessed Eddie having a nightmare that physical touch calms him down best, and it might be the same should he have a panic attack or something. He doesn’t really know what to expect, but he wants to be ready for everything.

“They’re right next to each other, reaching him won’t be an issue at all, sir.”

“Okay, great, we’ll take that one, then. Thank you.”

“I’ll be fine, Buck,” Eddie says with an eyeroll once they’ve booked everything they wanna do and are out of earshot. “You’re like a damn mother hen.”

Buck doesn’t let it bother him. “I just want to be prepared. If it’s unnecessary - even better.”

Besides - he can tell that below his annoyed act, Eddie appreciates it. He may have improved a lot with talking about his feelings, but it still can’t be easy for him to admit to a perceived weakness and vulnerability. Buck knows that all too well from his own experience.

They don’t have a lot of time left at the pool if they want to have lunch before spending the afternoon at the spa, but that’s okay. They both do a few laps in the swimming pool and then head over to the mineral pool. It’s smaller and kind of oval, with seating all around the edge, and a little waterfall on one side. There are ferns all around the pool, the lighting is indirect and warm and the air is moist and warm. Like everything at this hotel, sitting in the mineral pool is very clearly a couple’s activity. Today, it makes Buck a little uncomfortable as they sit down, seeing the other couples being so touchy and in love with each other.

The two of them just sit there for a while, talking quietly so as not to disturb the others, but eventually they both decide it’s time to leave the pool to the real couples.

“It does feel weird sometimes, even when we’re not actively playing a couple, doesn’t it?” Eddie asks quietly as they put their bathrobes on to head back to their room before lunch. “Like we’re...impostors, or something.”

“Yeah, a little. I mean, it’s not like we’re hurting anyone with it or taking something from anyone, but it’s still weird. I feel worse about lying to the people we’ve gotten to know, though.”

“Oh, yeah. I don’t like that either, though we’ve barely done any direct lying, have we? We’re still just rolling with their assumptions.”

Buck shrugs. “I guess. Does that really make you feel better, though?”

“No,” Eddie sighs. “Anyway, it’s only one more day now.”

“And then another two until Chris comes home. Do you think you’ll make it without the distraction you have here?”

“We’ll see. At least I’ll be back at work, but if I keep texting you after shifts, you’ll know why.”

Buck snorts. “I’ll remember that. But anyway, if you’re too bored I can always come over to keep you company.”

“I might take you up on that. The house is too quiet without Christopher there. And you need just as much attention as he does.”

“Ha ha,” Buck makes, sarcastically. But secretly, he still hopes that Eddie  _ will _ text him.

After lunch, they change again and head back down to the spa for the mud treatment. Eddie seems a little nervous now but Buck doesn’t say anything, he’s just glad he asked about coming along beforehand. 

“I don’t know why I’m nervous at all,” he mutters, so quietly Buck almost doesn’t hear it. “The mud didn’t even come down directly on me. I barely touched any mud that day. If anything, I should be scared of diving.”

“Is trauma ever logical? You can’t really measure it like that, you know that.”

“Still, I think I’m more nervous about what’s going to happen, you know? Like, I’m not nervous about the mud going on, just about what I might do when it does.”

“That’s okay,” Buck says. “I’ll be right there with you.”

Eddie gives him a grateful smile, and then they’re already being ushered into the treatment room. There are two stone tubs next to each other on one side of the room, and two regular, though freestanding, ones on the other side. Visible pipes give everything a kind of rustic charm, and the room is warm and cosy. 

Their attendants welcome them and ask them to get into the stone tubs first. At least it was true - they’re so close together Buck could touch Eddie if he reached out. They both get in and Buck thanks the heavens for a job where he gets to see Eddie in varying states of undress semi-regularly so he’s able to seem normal even though they do have to be naked to get into the mud. 

The mud is warm, so dark it’s almost black, and only a few inches high when Buck eases in. Once he’s sitting down, he looks over at Eddie, who’s in a similar position and seems fine. 

“You okay?” Buck asks anyway, and Eddie gives him a smile.

“Great. It feels kinda nice, doesn’t it?”

It does, actually, so Buck tries to devote a bigger part of his attention to it and less on Eddie.

“We’re going to keep adding mud now, until you’re both covered up to your necks,” one of the attendants explains and Buck hears the breath Eddie takes at that, and all of his attention is back on his friend.

“Here,” he says quietly, reaching out and offering Eddie his hand. “You’ll be fine, I’m right here.”

Eddie grabs his hand, then nods at his attendant, who also gives him a reassuring smile.

“This mud is made from volcanic ash and mineral water from the natural spring on our grounds, which gives it the great healing qualities it has. It will detoxify and relax your body if you stay in it for a few minutes. We won’t cover any part of your head, but if you feel at all restricted or uncomfortable, please let one of us know and we’ll stop the treatment immediately.”

Eddie nods, and his hand in Buck’s feels relatively relaxed. The mud is quite heavy on Buck’s body, so if Eddie can deal with this, Buck’s pretty confident he’ll be okay. The soothing music, the warm light and warmth of the mud probably all help too. Half of Eddie’s trauma from that day is probably cold-related - Buck’s certainly is.

Eventually, they’re both covered in mud up to their necks, except for the arms hanging over the edge of their bathtubs, hands still meeting in the middle.

“I think you can let go now,” Eddie says, giving Buck a smile. “Your arm must be getting cold outside of that mud.”

Buck snorts, but does as he’s told and lowers his arm into his tub. It’s an interesting feeling, being immersed in heavy, warm mud, but he can’t say it doesn’t feel good. They’re being offered cucumber citrus water and only get to stay in the mud bath for another five minutes before they’re told to rinse off in the shower. Afterwards, they each get to soak in one of the bathtubs on the other side of the room, filled with geyser water, “rich in minerals and salts”. When Buck looks over at Eddie, he’s leaning back, eyes closed, and a look of bliss on his face. Trying to suppress the smile that’s forcing its way onto his face, Buck leans back too and relaxes.

After the mineral bath, they get another five minutes in a much smaller steam room than the one from the other day, for just the two of them. This time, Buck can enjoy it a lot more because he’s properly hydrated and in no danger of fainting again and embarrassing himself. His whole body feels relaxed and loose, and very warm.

One of their attendants ushers them from the steam room into another room, this one filled with a big settee and nothing else, but the same warm light and calm music as in every other room. With how loose-limbed he’s feeling, Buck doesn’t even feel weird being wrapped in a flannel blanket like he’s a baby and being told to nap and cool down for 15 minutes. Instead, he just closes his eyes and lets his thoughts drift aimlessly.

15 minutes later, Buck still feels just as loose-limbed but a little less warm, and they’re given the okay to head over to their deep tissue massage. When Buck says “thank you”, it’s the first time either of them has spoken since Eddie told him he could let go of his hand.

After the massage, they get a Chardonnay and Sugar Scrub to exfoliate and nourish their skin, followed by the application of a fancy moisturiser to heal and protect their skin. Once that’s done, they find themselves sitting in the relaxation room in their bathrobes, with pink skin and holding cucumber water.

“Well,” Buck says.

Eddie grins. “I feel like a new man.”

“You did just shed your skin, so you kind of are.”

When Eddie laughs at that, Buck feels accomplished and like he’s part of the reason Eddie’s this happy and relaxed. There is no lingering tension in the line of his shoulders, no worry lines on his face. Maybe these few days away from everything were exactly what he needed.

Later, after dinner, it’s Eddie who suggests they go to the bar again. “As far as I know, there’s no trivia game for us to lose again tonight.”

“What makes you think we’d lose?” Buck asks, mock offended. “Maybe tonight would be our night.”

With a grin, Eddie shrugs his shoulders and grabs Buck’s arm to pull him along. “Guess we’ll never know.”

Buck likes this relaxed version of Eddie.

It’s not long until someone they know finds them - bound to happen considering how many people they’ve somehow managed to meet during their stay. Imani and Marcus join them at their table with drinks of their own and wide smiles.

“I’m so glad we ran into you again,” Imani says, “it’s your last night too, right?”

“Yeah, already.”

“Did you do something nice for your last day at least?”

Eddie grins at Buck. He’s so easy with his smiles tonight, it’s making Buck’s heart feel featherlight. “We spent it almost completely at the spa and had a delicious dinner, so I’d say so, yeah. What about you guys?”

“Same, actually,” Marcus laughs. “We did shit like taking a Chardonnay Bubble Bath, we felt like rich people all day.”

“That was an option? Aw man, Eddie, I thought we tried everything!”

“I thought you did your research!”

Buck sighs dramatically. “Clearly I should’ve checked again after we got here. I was so focused on the mud thing I didn’t even think to look for any other baths.”

“You tried the volcanic ash mud bath? How was that?”

“Weird but good,” Buck says, “right, Eds?”

“Yeah, and really relaxing. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before, no aches anywhere.”

“Aw, poor old man,” Buck teases, patting Eddie’s knee.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “It’s more of a firefighter thing, so you should know too.” And then he places his hand on top of Buck’s and entwines their fingers.

It startles Buck so much he can’t do anything but stutter, “okay, true,” and try to keep his face under control. It must be the way Imani and Marcus are being so easily and openly affectionate opposite of them, and Eddie’s trying to keep up with them or something, sell the whole “couple” act.

They spend all evening with Imani and Marcus, and it’s nice - Imani is funny even when there’s no wine tasting involved, and the four of them really get along even though they have little in common. Imani is a lawyer and Marcus an engineer, but neither of them seems to look down on Buck and Eddie, which is great because Buck can’t deal with people like that anymore. The disappointment in his father’s voice, as if being a firefighter somehow wasn’t good enough, isn’t something he’ll forget anytime soon.

For now, though, he’s more focused on the way Eddie is hamming it up tonight, knee pressed against Buck’s, arm around the back of his chair, a hand on his forearm, touching him, always touching him. He’s not sure what’s going on, doesn’t know if it’s a good idea, but he doesn’t want it to stop either.

And then, when Buck gets back from the bar with their last round, placing their beers on the table and sitting back down next to Eddie, Eddie says “thanks, babe” and kisses him. Buck all but melts into it for the second or so it takes his brain to catch up, and then he freezes. Eddie freezes too and pulls away, wide eyed. 

Buck tries to school his features into something resembling a normal expression for two reasons: Eddie can’t know what that just did to him, and Imani and Marcus can’t notice this isn’t normal to them. But Eddie was clearly just acting, and then Buck went and kissed him back and made it weird, and now Eddie’s gonna know and he’s not gonna want to spend all of his time with Buck any more - Buck takes a deep breath and tries telling himself to postpone the spiraling.

Eddie’s leaning back next to him and staring at the drink in his hand. To someone who doesn’t know him very well, he probably just looks tired and a little drunk, but Buck sees how much has changed in just a few seconds, how the tension is back in his body. 

“Hey, you guys,” he says to Marcus and Imani, who thankfully don’t seem to have noticed anything. “I’m really sorry, but I think the day is catching up to me and I’m just gonna go to bed. But you can stay, Eddie.”

Eddie’s looking somewhere just to the left of Buck’s eyes when he turns to him, and it stings. Actually, it more than stings. Something in Buck’s gut twists painfully, and there’s a pounding behind his eyes.

He barely gets through his goodbyes to Imani and Marcus before the tears are welling up in his eyes and he has to hurry to the lift to hide them when they spill over. What has he done? 

“Fuck,” he mumbles as the lift takes him up to the second floor. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

In their room, he paces for a few minutes, replaying what happened in his head and trying to interpret the look in Eddie’s eyes. Was it surprise? Shock? Disgust? With a groan, Buck flops onto the bed. How is he supposed to ever look him in the eye again? He’s so embarrassed, and so terrified that he just ruined years of the best friendship he’s ever had with one tiny mistake. Because he doesn’t have himself under control, because he has feelings for his best friend that he shouldn’t be having. Eddie’s gonna hate him.

What if he comes back to their room soon, will he want to talk about it? Will he tell Buck to leave him alone, to stay away from Christopher? Buck rubs at his eyes furiously, a few terrified tears still escaping. He can’t have that conversation tonight, not at this beautiful hotel in this romantic room.

Hurriedly, he gets ready for bed and turns the lights off, hiding under the duvet and turning his back to the door. He hears Eddie come in a while later but doesn’t move. Eddie doesn’t try to talk to him or even turns on the light, but Buck can hear him rustling around in the dark. The only light he turns on is the one in the bathroom, and even there he seems to be careful not to open the door too wide. If he thinks Buck is asleep, he’s clearly just as eager to avoid a conversation tonight.

For a while, Buck wonders if Eddie will try to sleep on the couch, but eventually, he settles into bed too. Buck lies next to him, still and awake and worried sick, for a very long time.


	6. Day Five

Buck feels stiff when he wakes up, like he hasn’t just spent four days relaxing and being kneaded by professionals. Eddie isn’t in bed anymore, and it’s horrible how much he already misses waking up next to him when he’s only had it for all of three mornings. 

Eddie comes out of the bathroom, fully dressed, just as Buck is sitting up. His face is blank, unreadable in a way he hasn’t made an effort to be around Buck in years. 

“Morning,” he mumbles, and Buck has to clear his throat before he can get any words out.

“Morning, Eddie.”

The tension is thick, and really not in a good way. Eddie’s got his back to him, focusing unnecessarily hard on packing his bag, shoulders pulled up almost to his ears. Buck looks at the way his shirt stretches across those shoulders and wishes he could go up and touch him, get him to relax. But he’s the reason Eddie’s this tense now, and he bites his lip as he gathers his stuff and heads to the bathroom without another word. 

He’s gone and fucked everything up again. He always does this, he’s either not enough or too much, usually too much, can’t ever get anyone to stay. And this time, what he’s fucked up was the best and easiest relationship in his life.

He’s so angry at himself, but at the same time, his chest feels clawed open and raw in a way that’s worse than when he said goodbye to Abby at the airport, or later, when he realised she’d left him long ago, or when Ali explained that she couldn’t watch him put himself in danger anymore, or even when he saw Abby again and she asked him to save her fiancé. Those hurt, yes, some a lot. But this is so much worse.

Under the hot water of the shower, Buck forces back the tears and tells himself to fix it. Yeah, he made a stupid mistake, but maybe he can blame some of it on the alcohol. Or he can be at least kind of honest and tell Eddie that yeah, he’s attracted to him but it doesn’t have to mean anything. Or maybe he can beg Eddie to forget about it, to just let him be in his life in whatever capacity Eddie will have him. Because it’ll be hard, knowing that he loves him and not getting to do anything about it, but he’ll bear it if it means he gets to stay part of Eddie’s, part of Christopher’s life. And he knows the kind of person Eddie is. He doesn’t think Eddie would hate him for feeling the way he does.

He needs time to figure out how to say all of that though, and in a way that won’t freak Eddie out more. So instead of saying anything when he returns to the room, he just quietly packs his bag and doesn’t speak to Eddie.

They grab a quick breakfast but don’t linger and don’t talk, and Buck can’t remember the last time a silence between him and Eddie was uncomfortable. He doesn’t know if it ever was, but it’s awkward as hell now.

He would be glad they have to check out by ten, if it wasn’t for the seven hour car ride ahead of them. That’s a long time in an enclosed space with someone you like and can talk to, but like this? Dread coils tightly in Buck’s gut.

Eddie’s barely looked at him since the kiss and everything is so messed up he doesn’t even know where to begin to fix it. It’s definitely going to be an interesting day. 

Eddie waits with their luggage on one of the couches in the lobby while Buck takes care of the checkout. The receptionist smiles at him when he hands her the room key. 

“Did you enjoy your stay, sir?” 

Buck does his best to put on a convincing smile. “Yeah, thank you. It was great.” ...until he ruined it. 

“I see most of the expenses have been paid for already. There is one charge that wasn’t covered, however, would you like to pay in cash or by card?”

“Uh,” Buck makes, “what is it?”

“An off-site cooking class, sir,” she informs him. “It’s 300$.”

How ironic that the one thing not covered by his win is where he realised his feelings for Eddie, Buck thinks and gives the receptionist half a smile. “I’ll pay by card, if that’s okay.”

“Did you have to pay something?” Eddie asks when Buck gets back to him, and it’s the first full sentence he’s said to Buck all day. 

“The cooking class wasn’t included, apparently.”

“I can cover my half of course.”

Buck lets out a sad laugh. “Please don’t. It’s fine, Eddie.”

He grabs his bag and makes for the car park without giving Eddie a chance to reply. 

He’s behind the wheel of his jeep before Eddie has thrown his bag in the back, and ignores the look he’s giving Buck. The sooner they get going, the sooner they’ll be in LA and he can drop Eddie off. The sooner he can hide in his bed and start thinking up ways to save what can be salvaged. 

They’re on the interstate in no time and Buck keeps his eyes straight ahead, not looking at the disappearing hotel in the rear view mirror, the vineyards, and most of all Eddie. The radio is tuned into some top 40 station and Buck is glad it’s filling the awkward silence, even if it’s with love songs he really doesn’t want to hear right now. Every now and then, Eddie comments on something outside or on the radio, but Buck can’t bring himself to give more than monosyllabic answers. He really can’t deal with the way Eddie always looks just a little bit past him, and he can’t afford to break down in this car with him. 

They’re an hour or so past San Francisco, in the middle of nowhere, when Eddie sighs deeply and says, “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

It startles Buck so badly the jeep jerks a little as he turns to look at Eddie with wide eyes. “What?”

“You can’t even talk to me anymore?”

There’s a wounded quality to his voice that really rubs Buck the wrong way. “That’s rich coming from you. You didn’t say a word to me all morning.”

“But I’m trying now. Is it so hard for you to try, too?”

Buck’s knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel tighter. “So you seriously want to have this conversation now?”

“We have to have it at some point. Better get it out of the way before we get home and might end up having to explain to someone what happened.”

Buck grinds his teeth and sets a blinker to the right, swerving off the main road onto a parking bay by the side of it. He can’t do this while driving, needs to be able to give it his full attention, to pace, to get some space from Eddie if necessary. Eddie waits until he’s put the car in park, then follows him when he gets out of the car. 

“Alright,” Buck says, crossing his arms, “you want to talk. Talk.”

Eddie leans back against the jeep and wipes his face with his hands before he looks at Buck - actually  _ looks _ at him for the first time since last night - and says quietly, “You’re my best friend.”

All the fight immediately drains out of Buck. “You’re my best friend, too.”

Eddie gives him a sad little smile. “I don’t wanna lose that. I - we, Christopher and me - can’t lose you. We shouldn’t let a mistake like this ruin our friendship, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Buck sighs. He wishes it was that easy, but he’s got a few years of therapy under his belt too and knows that sweeping things under the rug and ignoring them doesn’t help in the long term. “Clearly it does mean something, though. You’ve barely looked at me since it happened. I...I guess I didn’t think it’d make you this uncomfortable. I don’t blame you, I get it, I just…” He’s not sure how to end that sentence. It’s probably too much to ask of anyone to just breeze past your best friend having feelings for you. Eddie’s face looks flushed when he looks up to him again.

“What do you mean, it’s making me uncomfortable?”

Buck frowns, confused. “Uh, well. You’re obviously uncomfortable?”

Eddie shakes his head. “Embarrassed mostly, actually.”

“Embarrassed that I kissed you?” This doesn’t make sense.

“No, embarrassed that  _ I _ kissed  _ you _ .”

Which - fair enough, Eddie did initiate it, but it was just because they were pretending to be a couple, and had been for a few days, right?

“Which was an accident because you got caught up in the pretence, right?”

“It was an accident, but it wasn’t because - wait, Buck, can we back up? And start at the beginning, maybe?”

Buck’s starting to think that that’s a really good idea. He’s so confused. “What did you think was happening here?”

“Well, I- I kissed you, and it made you uncomfortable, so you’ve been avoiding me. And I’m sorry! I know I shouldn’t’ve just kissed you without asking first and we never talked about how far we would go to pretend, but - what did  _ you _ think it was?”

It’s a deflection, but Buck still isn’t sure of what, so he lets it slide for now and decides to put his cards on the table. If Eddie wants honesty, he’s gonna get it. At this point it doesn’t look like putting it all out there is gonna break things any more than keeping it hidden has already done.

“Uh,” he makes, looking down at his fingers instead of at Eddie, twisting them together anxiously. “Here goes, I guess. I- I figured that we were pretending to be, you know, a couple and you got caught up in the moment or something and kissed me? And it would’ve been fine and didn’t mean anything, but then I kissed you back and you realised what...that...um, my feelings, and that’s awkward as fuck so I don’t blame you and I’m so-”

“Your feelings?” Eddie interrupts, and Buck chances a glance up at his face. He looks...troubled, and Buck swallows.

“I can just be your best friend,” he says, words stumbling off his tongue as he tries to say them as quickly as possible, to get Eddie to believe them, “that’s enough for me, Eddie, I promise-”

“Shut up,” Eddie says, voice rough, and then he’s got both hands on the collar of Buck’s jacket and is pulling him in and -

Buck makes a surprised noise against his lips but pulls him in even closer by the waist, impatient, hungry,  _ desperate _ -

Eddie moves his hands up to Buck’s face, cradles it, and takes a step back. Carefully, Buck loosens his grip on him so he’s holding him by the hips, and very slowly opens his eyes. 

Eddie’s got a small smile on his lips, and the relief is so immense that Buck actually feels the weight being lifted off his shoulders.

“Hey,” he whispers.

Eddie rubs his thumb across Buck’s cheekbone, making him shiver. “Hi. Sorry- I did it again, without asking.”

“You don’t have to ask. You can have - anything. Anything you want.”

Eddie’s eyes grow darker at that and he presses a bruising kiss to Buck’s lips, hand curling in the back of his neck. Buck’s heart feels like it’s about to beat right out of his chest.

“Okay,” Eddie says when he pulls back, a little breathless. “Okay. We should still talk about things, figure out what this is.”

Buck presses his face into the crook of his neck, wanting to be closer still. He’s not entirely sure how they got to this point, so - “Yeah, probably.”

“So as I said, kissing you at the bar was an accident and because I got caught up in the moment, but not the pretence. It was more like - finally not having to hold back so much all the time? I guess I just let go a little too much for a moment.”

“So...this isn’t, uh, new for you?”

“No.” Eddie takes a deep breath. “Look, Buck, you don’t have to say anything if it’s too much too soon, but I’ve loved you for a long time. Frank helped me figure it out a while ago and I think you deserve to know the whole truth, so. I love you.”

“I didn’t figure it out until Sunday, but. I love you, too.”

Eddie’s smile is big, bright, and the most beautiful sight Buck has ever seen. “Yeah?”

Buck kisses him. “Yes.”

“Sunday, huh?”

“You went to a cooking class for me,” Buck says with a shrug, and he knows the look on his face must be a sappy one. “I guess it just made me realise all these things I love about you, and then it was kind of just...obvious. Not sure how I missed it until now.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Eddie is holding him by the waist, his hands fitting there perfectly, and Buck catches himself thinking that they’ve always fit perfectly. “We’re here now.”

They stand there, just holding each other close, for a long time, despite the chill slowly creeping in.

Eventually, Buck sighs deeply. “You know what I hate? The fact that we’ve still got like five hours of driving ahead of us where I can’t touch you.”

Eddie laughs and pulls him into another kiss. “You can hold my hand, at least. And we’ve still got two days until Chris gets home, I’m not letting you out of my sight until then.”

“What about the 24 hour shift we both have to pull, though?”

“We pretended to be a couple for four days, we can pretend not to be one for one day, don’t you think?”

“I’m not sure I can keep my hands off you for that long now that I’m allowed,” Buck teases, before he carefully adds, “So, a- a couple?”

“I hope that’s not too fast for you-”

“I just told you I love you, Eds, I don’t think we need to worry about doing anything too soon or too late. It’s kind of all in the wrong order anyway.”

Eddie smiles. “It’s also been months, maybe years in the making.”

“Exactly.” 

“And- about keeping your hands off me. It’s not like we had a lot of personal space before this,” Eddie gestures between them, “happened.”

Buck grins. “That’s true. Wanna bet how long it takes everyone else to catch up?”

“So you did know they’ve been betting on us?”

“They- what? No, I definitely didn’t! Is- is that why they were so weird about us going on this trip together?”

“I think so, yeah. I think Maddie made Chim promise to leave you alone, but clearly I was so obvious to everyone but you, they had no problem with me overhearing some things.”

“And you still never said anything to me?” Buck asks incredulously. He’s only  _ known _ about his feelings for barely two days and he’s sure he would’ve given himself away rather sooner than later, even if Eddie hadn’t accidentally kissed him.

“Well, I did sort of hope you’d realise that we’ve kind of been dating in all ways but one for a while.” Buck stares at him, dumbfounded. Once again, he reexamines moments of their friendship in his head, looking at them in this new light and realising - Eddie’s right. They go on dates, they tell each other and rely on each for literally everything, they spend almost all of their time off work together...Buck’s basically co-parenting, he’s on Christopher’s school pick-up list and one of his emergency contacts, he’s  _ Eddie’s _ emergency contact and Eddie is his. Yeah, he’s been blind.

Eddie is watching him closely. “You hadn’t realised until now?”

Buck groans. “I can’t believe how blind I’ve been.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie says, pressing a kiss to Buck’s cheek, “we’re good, maybe we needed that extra time. Now is perfect.”

_ I love you _ , Buck thinks, and then says it out loud because he can, and it gives him a thrill. Judging from the look on Eddie’s face, he feels the same. 

In one swift movement, he’s spun them around and is kissing Buck against the side of his jeep, hands twisting in the fabric of his sweater. Eddie’s a few inches smaller than him, but the way he’s got Buck boxed in is making him feel small and safe, and it’s also possibly the hottest thing that’s ever happened to him. Way too soon, Eddie pulls back. 

“I love you, too,” he says, and laughs against Buck’s mouth when he whines and pulls him back in. It takes them longer to get back to LA this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think buck deserves to have made some positive experiences with therapy too, so i headcanon that he went back :)   
> i hope you liked this! only a sort of epilogue to go, and then that's it already. thank you for all your wonderful support so far!! ❤️


	7. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (if I did the math right, there should probably be a madney baby by the time this fic is set but let's say they're a month or two behind...)

The sun is up and shining warmly through the blinds in Eddie’s bedroom when Buck wakes up. Eddie’s arm is an already familiar weight around his waist and Buck presses into his warmth happily, a smile on his face. He doesn’t think he’s stopped smiling in days. 

Eddie gives a happy little hum behind him, making it clear he’s awake already, and Buck turns around in his arms.

“Morning, you,” he whispers, and Eddie leans in and presses a soft kiss just above his eye, against Buck’s birthmark, his cheek, the corner of his mouth.

“Good morning.”

They just lie there for a few minutes, listening to each other breathe, until Eddie taps Buck’s chest softly. “Ready to face the day?”

Buck cuddles even closer, until their bodies are pressed together from head to toe. Today might very well be the day everyone finds out about them. He’s fine with that, more than, but it also makes him a little nervous. He’s seen many of his friends since they got back from Napa, but Chim was on a different shift at work so they only had a few minutes together, and he saw Bobby, Athena and Maddie without Eddie. They haven’t seen Hen, Karen and all the kids - except Christopher, of course - yet. Eddie and he have also brushed off every question about their trip with a “We’ll tell you all about it at the barbecue”. They haven’t planned to make a big announcement, but they’re both pretty sure it’s gonna come out one way or another since they don’t plan on hiding anything, and it seemed easier to have everyone they care about in one place for it. Otherwise, it would make its way through the group one by one, and that doesn’t seem fair. Only Christopher got his own talk. Buck smiles against Eddie’s shoulder when he thinks about the smile that lit up Chris’ face when they told him and the way he’d said “This is the best day ever!”. He loves that kid.

Of course he’d gone and spilled it all to his bisabuela the next day instead of focusing on his stories from camp, but that was okay too. When Eddie and Buck came to pick him up, Isabel had hugged Buck tightly and told him to take good care of her grandson. “You’re part of our family now,” she’d told him, then made the sign of the cross on his chest like he’d seen her do countless times on Eddie and Chris. Aunt Pepa also just said that she knew how good he was for their boys and that they couldn’t be happier to welcome him into the family officially. All of it had moved him to tears, so it can’t get much worse today. 

“Ready,” he says. “You?”

“Yeah.” Eddie pulls back enough to give Buck a real kiss, just a quick press of lips. Buck’s never gonna get tired of waking up next to him.

Eventually, Eddie sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed. He’s wearing sweats but no shirt, and Buck lets himself admire his back for a few moments before he sits up too. Chris is gonna wake up any minute, and he should get started on breakfast soon.

They take a shower - together, but unfortunately no funny business considering Christopher is probably waking up next door right now - and brush their teeth next to each other, towels wrapped around their hips. The image in the mirror is one Buck wants to get used to.

When he’s done, he presses a kiss to Eddie’s warm shoulder and goes to find something to wear. Eddie checks on Chris and then follows Buck into the kitchen, setting the table while Buck makes breakfast. They work around each other like they’ve been doing this for years, and they have - only now, when Eddie slides his hand around his waist, Buck leans into it and presses a quick kiss to his temple before flipping a pancake.

When Christopher comes in, Buck lifts him up onto the counter in one swift move.

“Good morning, little man,” he says as he does so, and Chris gives him a big grin.

“Morning, Buck.”

“How about you help me with the pancakes while your dad sets the table?”

“Yeah, dad! Set the table.”

Eddie laughs. “Okay, okay, I’ll get out from under your feet.”

Buck winks at Chris and lets him pour some dough into the pan, then shows him how to flip pancakes. Chris is an enthusiastic learner in the kitchen, and Buck has high hopes of him outgrowing Eddie’s capabilities before he hits high school.

After breakfast, the three of them clean the kitchen and living room to prepare for their guests. Eddie invited everyone over for the first barbecue of the year - it’s a nice day, but it’s still February and the backyard is very small so they’ll probably grill outside but eat indoors - now that they’re all back in LA.

By noon, their guests start arriving, Hen and Karen with the kids first, followed immediately by Eddie’s abuela and Aunt Pepa, all carrying platters of food.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” Buck says as he kisses Pepa’s cheek, and she just reaches up to pat his cheek in response.

“We know how you love your Mexican food, Evan,” she says, and Buck blushes when he notices Hen watching them curiously.

“Hello Isabel,” he greets Eddie’s grandmother, kissing her cheek too, “thank you for coming.”

“ _Por favor_ , Evan, call me Abuela, I’ve told you a thousand times.”

He laughs at the way she rolls her eyes, but gives her a smile anyway. “I’ll try, Abuela.”

Hen steps close to him once they’re the only ones left in the hallway, narrowing her eyes behind her glasses. “Why does everyone act like you’re hosting this thing? And how well do you know Eddie’s family?”

“Oh, well,” Buck says awkwardly, sticking as close to the truth as possible, “I’ve been here all morning to help set up. And I don’t know, they have me over for Sunday dinner sometimes. Ever since the tsunami, they’ve been worrying I don’t get enough to eat.”

Hen’s expression softens at that. “Well, you really were looking a bit thin at the time. I guess we were all worried about you.”

“Now Henrietta, don’t go making me emotional,” he teases and she purses her lips, shaking her head. 

“You know better than to call me that, _Evan_. Is Eddie inside?”

“Backyard. He’s in charge of the barbecue grill.”

Her eyebrows shoot up. “And you’re not worried he’s gonna burn everything?”

“Go check on him if you want,” Buck says with a laugh, “but I think he’s gonna be fine.”

“I won’t believe that until I see it.” 

The Grant-Nash family arrives next. Bobby squeezes his shoulder in passing, Harry gives him a high five and Athena squeezes him with a, “Hey, Buckaroo, good to see you.”

May hugs him too, pulling back enough to look at him closely. “So, had a good time with Eddie?”

Buck gives her an innocent smile. “Great, why do you ask?”

She laughs, squeezing his side. “I will find out, you know.”

“You have your mom’s determination, that’s for sure.”

He ushers her into the living room, but before he can follow, the doorbell rings again. He opens it to find Maddie, Chim and Albert grinning at him, a little unsettlingly. 

“Hey, guys,” he says and his heavily pregnant sister steps up to give him a hug.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Maddie says and Chim adds, “We can’t wait to hear all about your trip.”

“I bet you can’t,” Buck mutters and steps aside to let them pass. “Come on in.”

Eddie’s still in the backyard when Buck finally makes it to the living room, setting up the barbecue with Bobby looking over his shoulder, and Chris, Harry and Denny are also playing outside. Athena, May, Hen and Albert are setting up food in the kitchen while Chimney helps Maddie sit down on the couch and Karen hands her a babbling Nia before they both move to the kitchen as well. Buck can’t help but smile as he looks around. This is the family he chose.

Maddie gestures at him to join her. “Come sit with me!”

“Oh, I was gonna…” Buck vaguely motions towards the kitchen and the backyard, but even he can tell that all the jobs are taken. So he sits down next to his sister and gives her a once-over.

“How’re you feeling, Mads?”

“Good. I’d be great if it wasn’t for the water in my legs and the constant need to pee and all of the fun things that come along with a pregnancy, apparently.”

She’s still glowing though, so Buck doesn’t feel bad about laughing.

“You look great, though. Happy. Uh, glowing.”

She rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “Stop with all the clichés.”

“They fit, though! Maddie, you know I can’t wait to be an uncle, right?”

“And you’re gonna be such a great one, Evan. I’ve seen how you are with Chris, and with the other kids too. You’ve gotten a lot of practice over the past few years.”

Buck shrugs, tickling Nia and then straightening the little hat she’s wearing. “I love kids.”

“I know you do,” Maddie smiles, then leans closer and adds with a wink, “but Chris especially, right?”

“We all have favourites, I guess. He’s my best friend.”

“I thought that was Eddie.”

Buck grins. “That’s what _he_ thinks.”

Maddie laughs, pulling him in for a hug. “Alright, okay. You seem happy, though. So the trip was good?”

“Yeah,” Buck says, unable to keep the smile in. “Just what we both needed, I think. I’m sure Eddie will show you the pictures on his phone if you ask him nicely, I barely took any.”

“Eddie has pictures on his phone?” May is suddenly there behind them, and when Buck turns to look at her, she’s grinning devilishly. “I’ll go get his phone immediately.”

Buck lifts his hands in surrender. “Do what you want, I’m not stopping you.”

He doesn’t miss the glance Maddie and May exchange either, and seriously, if they’ve always been this obvious, he really doesn’t know how he missed it all of this time. 

The others come in from the kitchen, carrying plates, and then there’s noise and chatter everywhere and he can’t focus on May, Bobby and Eddie outside. He gets caught up talking to Karen and Athena first, and then Albert for a little, and when he finally steps outside, Eddie, Christopher, Denny and Harry are the only ones there. 

Buck steps up to Eddie and slides a hand around his waist, leaning in close. 

“He cooks a decent meat course once and thinks he’s a master at the grill, huh?”

“I’ve always done a great barbecue and you know it,” Eddie replies, unfazed, and Buck laughs, stepping out of his space. 

“You give May your phone yet?”

“No, I don’t have it on me - I really don’t, don’t give me that look! I’ll give it to her later, don’t worry. We’re not hiding anything today, remember?”

“Can’t wait to see how long until they figure it out.” Buck grins and leans in for a quick kiss before he gathers the boys and herds them inside to clean up before they eat. 

When they get inside, Hen, Karen, Maddie and Athena all look up, but clearly just to see how he deals with the boys. No one seems to have seen him and Eddie interact outside, which is just more proof that Eddie was right and it will take everyone a while to pick up on the change in their relationship. It’s a fun game, if he’s honest - how obvious can they be before someone finally gets it?

Lunch is as chaotic as usual when they all get together, people spread out with plates over every surface in Eddie’s living room, the dining table, the couch, the floor. Buck loves this best, his whole family in one place, loud and messy and happy. 

He’s perched on the arm of Eddie’s armchair and occasionally picks something off his plate. That’s only fair considering Eddie is like a garbage can when it comes to food sometimes, eating everything within his reach, so he’s had plenty from Buck’s plate in return. No one even blinks an eye at them.

Christopher is chatting to his friends happily, and May and Albert are right there with him too if he needs anything, but both Buck and Eddie keep an eye on him at all times anyway. When he gets up and walks over to them, they both know better than to reach out to help him. Christopher prefers doing things that he can do himself, so they just wait patiently until he’s there, leaning against Buck’s side. Buck wraps an arm around him and Eddie shifts in his seat to look at his son.

“You alright, _mijo_?”

“Yeah. Have you told everyone yet?”

Buck and Eddie exchange a glance. “Not yet. Give your dad and me some more time, okay, buddy? There’s no rush.”

“But if it makes me happy, and you two, and bisabuela and Aunt Pepa, and we know it’s gonna make them happy too. Why do we have to keep it a secret?”

Buck squeezes him and presses a kiss to his curly head. “It’s not really a secret, Chris.”

“We don’t want to make a speech,” Eddie explains quietly. “Listen, _mijo_ , not long now, okay? If we haven’t told them by the time there’s cake, you can tell them yourself. That a deal?”

Chris grins. “Yes!”

He gets bored of them pretty quickly afterwards, and once he’s gone, Buck grins at Eddie. “By the time there’s cake?”

“I had to give him some sort of time frame! And I know it’s not a lot, but if they honestly, haven’t figured it out yet...What else are we supposed to do? Full on make out in front of them?”

Buck wiggles his eyebrows. “Maybe we should.”

Eddie shoves him so hard he almost falls off the chair.

“So,” Hen asks, watching them with amusement. “When are you two gonna start telling us about that trip of yours? I heard you haven’t told anyone anything yet.”

“There’s not that much to tell, it was a wellness retreat after all,” Eddie says with a shrug.

“We got massages and body scrubs and all that boring stuff,” Buck adds, “went on a hike, drank wine, took a cooking class-”

“A cooking class?” Abuela sounds incredulous. “Both of you? Eddito _también_?”

“ _Sí, abuela_. Though Buck did much better at it.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Eds. He was really good, actually.”

Eddie rolls his eyes at him fondly. “He exaggerates. Anyway, that’s really all we did while we were in Napa.”

It’s not really a lie - most other things happened outside of Napa County.

“Well, you said we could look at the photos you took,” May says. “So can we?”

Eddie sighs. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll go get my phone.” He gets up and leaves with a squeeze of the back of Buck’s neck, who smiles at him and slides down into his abandoned seat.

“So, a cooking class?” Bobby steps up to him with a curious smile. “Learn anything interesting?”

“So many cool things, Bobby! I can’t wait to show you some and hear your thoughts. It was a lot of fun!”

Eddie comes back with his phone and hands it to May, who sits down next to Maddie so they can look at the pictures together. Athena, Hen and Karen gather around them to get a look too.

“They gonna find anything?”

Buck looks up at Bobby. “Depends on what you think they’ll find.”

Bobby gives him a half smile. “You’ve been particularly touchy all day. And you seem very at home at this house.”

Buck grins and shrugs. “Well, I am. And we’re not hiding anything, but considering how interested you all are, you’re also not that observant either.”

Bobby laughs. “You’ll have to sign some paperwork tomorrow, but for now: I’m happy for you two.”

“Thanks, Cap.”

“And let me be in the room when my wife finds out she’s won-”

“Aww,” Maddie’s yelp interrupts them. “Eddie, your face in this one-”

Both her and May’s heads snap up sharply to look between Buck and Eddie with equally narrowed eyes. Karen snatches the phone from May’s hand and looks at whatever photo they’re talking about before handing it over to Hen and Athena too.

“Wanna explain?” Karen asks, wriggling her eyebrows.

“Which one are you even talking about?” Eddie asks, and holds his hand out for his phone. Buck stands up to look over his shoulder.

The image on the screen is one he hadn’t seen yet either. It’s one of those Linda took at them at the cooking class, the one where Buck kissed Eddie’s cheek. It’s kinda cute - they’ve got their arms wrapped around each other, his own face looks a little scrunched up but happy, and Eddie - Eddie’s face has his every emotion written across it more clearly than Buck has ever seen except for when it’s just the two of them lately. It spells his love out in stark red letters.

“Aw, Eds,” Buck says quietly, “you never showed this to me.”

Eddie turns to face him with an embarrassed smile. “I couldn’t, not before you knew.”

“I’ll have it framed,” Buck promises, still whispering, then places a hand on Eddie’s cheek softly and leans in to kiss him. “I love you.”

Their friends’ excited voices are a wall of sound somewhere outside their little bubble, and Buck knows that in a few seconds, they’ll have to face them and answer their questions. He doesn’t mind, knows they all love and support them, though he’ll give them a piece of his mind about that bet they made. But for just one more second, he concentrates only on the warmth of Eddie’s hand on his waist, and the expression on his face while he looks at Buck. And he’s truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and that's it! thank you all for the lovely, lovely comments, they were much appreciated 🥰🥰 i hope you loved this last chapter. i'll be back with more 911 fic for sure ☺️


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